Standing up against the rape culture
Rape is prevalent in Pakistan, as it is throughout the world. According to a study by Human Rights Watch, one woman is raped every two hours and gang-raped every eight hours in Pakistan. Data for men is not available. Rape is extremely underreported and most perpetrators get away with it. Most survivors never seek help for their own trauma. This happens due to an explicit and implicit rape culture which silences the survivors with no consequences to the perpetrator.
This culture is evident every time a rape case is highlighted in the media. After every rape there is extreme anger and cries for justice and at the same time an uptick in a rhetoric which highlights the patriarchal mindset of some. Such people usually blame the survivor, questioning their decision-making capacity. Others wage a war on social media with anger and indignation. Everyone blames one or the other for perceived failures. In this debate, the trauma of the individual, empathy for her/his suffering is forgotten. Do the survivors want people to judge them, talk about them, write about them, and further violate their control over their lives? Does this encourage further reporting and change or dissuades survivors from coming out as they will lose any power over their privacy? Maybe we should all think about this — a survivor is not public property. They have a right to feel their pain without all of us pitching in.
So how should we stand up against a rape culture of silence and survivor shaming?
Firstly, mindsets need to change, which means each and every one of us needs to work at it individually, within the family and then more widely. No matter what people say in support, how many will hesitate when their sons want to marry a rape survivor and how many will disclose and file legal proceeding against perpetrators? Rape is about control, objectification of women and permissiveness towards male aggression (often excused as admi ki fitrat). Children, women, and men all suffer from it whenever these dynamics come in play. In our culture it is also associated with izzat and thus used to disrespect an individual or a family. This mindset change can only happen from within. The education system needs to play a role where sexual abuse and rape is discussed; respect and consent is talked about; and women/transgenders are taken as equals. When someone is sexually abused, it needs to be reported and the perpetrator taken to task. Unfortunately, often if fathers are raping their daughters, mothers are asked by the family not to leave or report, due to the stigma of divorce. The same happens when extended family members are involved as the survivor is asked to stay quiet to prevent a family dispute. It is horrifying to hear but it happens regularly in families of all socio-economic backgrounds. This is our collective shame and we need to take responsibility and change it.
Secondly, the reporting and legal systems need to be made easier and more empathetic. The way a forensic examination happens after rape and the uncompassionate attitude of the medical personnel, needs improvement, as it is extremely traumatising for a survivor. The police and our courts need to review their systems, and perhaps take on mental health professionals on board.
Lastly, how a survivor becomes public property needs to change. Confidentiality needs to be maintained. The media should play a responsible role in reporting. Television programmes should not sensationalise information just for the sake of ratings. People should come out on the streets to support the survivor’s rights and legal battle but personal commentary on how that individual feels or should have acted needs to stop. Also, entertainment programmes need to reconsider how they objectify women and idolise male aggression.
Ultimately, the protection of civilians is a responsibility of the state and the state is lacking.
Finally, families should support a survivor by being there, by listening to them, by supporting their feelings. They should not say things like: be happy you are alive; don’t think about it; don’t look so sad; it happened three months ago, why are you still so depressed; and so on. Be respectful of the trauma the individual is going through and realise that if you have not gone through it then you do not know how they feel.
For survivors, I hope that this will not define you and this will not be the end of you. You will grow older; you will find happiness and you will see your children grow. Take one day at a time, do not try to forget the incident rather seek help to address the pain, so it does not hold you back in the future. Do all of this at your own pace, do not feel pushed. Distance yourself from those who are unhelpful or those who try to shame you. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have survived and will live beyond this and we all salute you for your perseverance.
Published in The Express Tribune, October 9th, 2020.
Like Opinion & Editorial on Facebook, follow @ETOpEd on Twitter to receive all updates on all our daily pieces.