1. I hate how every season and every episode of Coke Studio sets my hopes for the next season and next episode yet another few notches above any reasonable expectation from a pop show. Currently the bar is set to “like when Jimi Hendrix set his guitar on fire”. It’s completely irrational, but after “Kangna” that’s where it stays.
2. Why do our musicians never just totally lose it, run across stage and smash something? Why? Why don’t they do more than just groove within a one foot radius of where they’ve been placed? Can we get a healthy dose of showmanship to match the music quality already? One more episode of canned wry, sidelong smiles and gentle nods will be the death of me.
3. Nothing annoys a musician more than to be staring at footage of the house band members playing a nifty riff/doodle/drum fill which has been edited out/muted by Rohail Hyatt in the final mix! Take pity on us and don’t add in enticing footage of stuff we can’t hear.
4. Ever tried discussing Coke Studio captions with someone who doesn’t understand the language at all? “Yes you see, right here this guy is REALLY upset about the bracelet his dandy lover refuses to return … trust me, it’s really deep. Really, really deep...”
5. Coke Studio’s popularity. All the people I loathe are digging the same songs I am.
6. Obsessing over that one Coke Studio song that starts haunting you in your sleep. And pity the man or woman who happens to get one of the over-10-minute-long songs stuck in their heads.
7. Komal Rizvi’s mysterious conversion of “Dana PAH Dana” to “Danay PEH Danay”.
8. Rohail is playing it too safe and too pop in his production. Can Coke Studio please release an app which allows us access to the original tracks to each song so we can spend countless hours mixing them to our own tastes? I will be ever-peeved till I can add a massive distorted guitar riff and some double bass patterns into – yes, you guessed it – Kangna.
9. The YouTube videos of people mock-jamming through Coke Studio tracks using forks as drumsticks, mops as guitars and Barbie Dolls as mikes. You watch one, and it’s cute. You watch two and it’s pretty damn funny. Three hours of viewing later, you hate yourself. And Coke Studio.
10. I hate that Coke Studio is so awesome, I find myself feeling unutterably guilty as I sip on Pepsi while writing this.
Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, July 31st, 2011.
COMMENTS (34)
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@Karachi Feminist: First of all, this is not in defence of Coca-Cola and their unethical practices. However, the fact is pretty much all of those objections can be raised about any of the global corporations. I can't think of any corporation be it big oil, big pharma, big tobacco or any other which doesn't harm the environment or the people for profits. This is the world we've created. Corporations suck our blood and yet they keep us alive so they can suck even more out of us. It'd be near impossible to find some impeccable corporate sponsor and with a dearth of truly dedicated, passionate philanthropists among Pakistani rich, corporate sponsorship is probably the only viable alternate. I do hope that the fans can differentiate between the music and the product and do no equate the goodness of one with the other. I also think that the quality of music, showcasing of Pakistani talent and most of all an experience that all Pakistanis can be proud of definitely outweighs any exposure and goodwill Coke is creating for itself via Coke Studio. So by all means educate the people about risks of drinking Coke and their corporate malpractices but in the meantime, please find some time to also appreciate the artists and their talent. I doubt if they're in on the conspiracy. :)
loveee no.7 :)
The number 1 thing to hate about Coke Studio is Coke itself. This company with revenue equaling $35 billion has the money to fund several coke studios - its love for Pakistani fusion music is irrelevant - the market and publicity and goodwill it provides the studio is immeasurable. Just reading the comments this program has generated so much loyalty to Coke - and creating some good music just a side thing. People will say - so what? Coke can get customers, while we get to preserve and create new musical traditions and give our artists jobs. If only it were that simple. In 2003 Coke was shamed and driven out of Kerala India for using up water in tubewells and discharging sludge they claimed to be fertilizer. Also, there were traces of cancer causing preservatives found in Coke in India. In Columbia they repressed a labor union, and demonstrated their anti people sentiments. People which is a water scarce country with dried up tubewells - there is a dearth of information about how they are impacting the water crisis or contributing to pollution of land, agricultural or otherwise. Add to that the health risk of coke - it has sugar and preservatives and is likely to contribute to diseases of the heart, diabetes, and cancer. I love the music, and many of the singers, but each time I have to see their name behind the music, I feel revolted, even from the music. I wish this article had done the legwork research behind the real pros and cons of having coke fund your music in such an obvious way. Its kind of like wearing a product placement on your vocal chords.
Coke Studio???... DEAD and BURIED!!!
Hahaha. I like it...number 6 happens to me every season. :s and it creeps me out. This is a BLOG people. This website is blogs.tribune.com.pk. People write about what inspires them, interests them and amuses or freaks them. This isn't political journalism. I would highly appreciate it if opinions are kept to themselves, and talent simply appreciated. If opinions can't be kept to themselves, then they can be stated in a way that doesn't upset or insult. Thank you.
This is the first time I am going to say something like this about someone's work but that really was forced and made very little sense...
No. 7 - Spot on.
Interesting writing ! :)
Totally agreed with you larky ..
lame!
This article reminds me of the episode of " The Daily Show" where, Jon Stewart was trying to look for reasons to say something bad about Michelle and Barack Obama but couldn't find anything ; right after their convincing win in the elections. He ended up saying good things about them, which is not characteristic of him at all :).
anyway, good job with the article! to the people who don't like it, i suggest you read it over carefully :)
Wow, the sarcasm of the article is lost on many readers here.
OP, well written, made me lol a little.
Number 7 is the best
Well thought out and well-written. Very refreshing to read something that is both!
I actually thought this was going to be a boring read, but I was pleasantly surprised and it made me laugh!
oh my. i think people are assuming this is an actual ten things i hate about coke studio. lord, please let our nation's comprehension skills improve!
Really funny!! Haters shall be haters
For number-2: Because we are amazingly laid back people man. Think caribbean.
only one thing i need 2 say , worst thing i ever read n thx to the stupid writer ....
Love number 5 and 10 :D
superbly written, and for those who are ready to give 100 reasons to love it, please read the article again; "thoroughly"
@Sohail
Boring and impressive at the same time?
If Coke Studio had given us only one song, the Arif Lohar / Misha Shafi ' Alif Allah chambe de booti ' (hope I've spelt is correctly) they would have done their job.
Believe me its so true that when i saw new logo design of Coke Studio on Coca Cola bottle it reminded me of the song KANGNA , RANG LAGA & LAMHA and from that day i am buring bottles with Coke Studio Logo.
I dont know Punjabi Language but Sufi Music took to the heavens in whatever the language it is.I still have the fever of Jugni by Arif Lohar
Sorry, but this was utterly boring and impressive
If you can write "10 things u hate about cokestudio".... I can write 100 things I love about it....I am proud of what is happening in the coke studio cox nothing much happening around the country.Coke studio the only platform where we can actually showing what pakistan is not about Terrorism there is a soft corner and Mr.Rohail hayat is portraying our Culture to the entire world.....
Genuinely, coke's better. But Coke Studio isn't. Maybe they should keep some individuality intact. Number 2, 5 and 7- REALITY.
Awesome!
Horrible reasons, completely useless writing., this is journalism at it's worst
In their defense, as far as number 2 goes, it's a studio, not a concert stage where you prance around with anything from a microphone stand to a guitar in your hand. It says 'Coke Studio Sessions' on the album, clearly meaning its an output of a well rehearsed jam session and being recorded in a studio with a live setting - but a studio for crying out loud!
LOL... You cracked me up Man!! Awesome writing! and on 10th point!! You owned us all.. literally i feel Guilty i every time i go for Pepsi..=D
:/ how pathetic can this get?
Hahahahah! Brilliant! :D