'Conversations with Kanwal' reflects on miscarriage and societal pressures that come with it
Latest guest opens up on her struggle with infertility
PHOTO:FILE
This week's episode of Conversations with Kanwal brought an important yet sensitive topic to the table. In a Mother's Day special, host Kanwal Ahmed highlighted how a woman can be merely defined based on her ability to give birth. Bringing the taboo subject of miscarriages to the fore, talk show guest Sidra shared her nine-year long struggle to conceive amidst societal pressures.
Sidra explained she became aware of her PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) condition at the time of her wedding, when she was just 18 years old. Fast forward a few months into her marriage and Sidra began to experience severe pain and spotting.
The newly-wed immediately informed her doctor about the pain only to be told that she was three weeks pregnant and had suffered a miscarriage. "The doctor informed me that since I was spotting at such an early stage, they could not do anything about it now," said Sidra. "They asked me to forget about my current pregnancy."
After confirming she was unable to conceive naturally, Sidra sought further assistance from specialists. IVF treatments and injection courses helped her to conceive but not without a multitude of problems.
"A lot of things your body produces normally are not produced when you have PCOS, including the hormones that are produced to secure a pregnancy." In the fifth month of Sidra's next pregnancy, the same issues arose and she miscarried once again.
Societal expectations
It is common for women to fall prey to society's pressure to conceive. Kanwal asks Sidra how she used to deal with others during her stressful time.
"The things people used to say to me hurt me a lot. They would tell me the problem is with me, not with my husband, so I am doing a disservice to him," she said. But that didn't stop Sidra from realising that she was the one suffering and not her spouse.
"At the time I had no response. I would go home and hide my feelings; sometimes I would cry." She continued, "You just have to accept some things, so I accepted the problem is with me."
However, Sidra has something to say to those who are negligent of other's feelings during their time of suffering. "I want go say to those people who torture others, when you know that a girl is passing through this phase, you should not even ask a single question about it," she said.
She also stressed the importance of keeping quiet and not intruding in others' lives.
"When you recommend a doctor to her, you think you are doing a good deed but it is still hurtful to her. She starts thinking that you're recommending a doctor to her because you feel she is lacking something and so, she doesn't have children."
Gathering strength
After a series of unsuccessful IVF treatments to secure a healthy pregnancy, Sidra experienced severe depression. She explained to Kanwal that her family was very supportive and wanted her to be happy.
Her family stressed that her health was more important to them rather than her having a child. This gave Sidra the strength to tackle societal pressure and be accepting of her situation.
"I thought to myself that everyone can't get everything in life, Allah blesses people with different things," she says to Kanwal with a smile on her face. She continues "it's possible that it is not in my destiny to have a child, maybe I will get something better."
An unexpected blessing
Sidra started to focus on her health and happiness by keeping busy, working out and socialising. She also gave up trying to have a baby and closed that chapter completely.
But then, something miraculous happened to Sidra after noticing a series of missed periods. "The doctor asked me if I knew how far along I was in my pregnancy and it turned out I was 16 plus weeks pregnant."
She gave birth to a healthy baby. "I had come to terms with the fact I would never have a child and God gave me a miracle," she said, concluding the interview with a big smile on her face.
Have something to add to the story? Share it in the comments below.
Sidra explained she became aware of her PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) condition at the time of her wedding, when she was just 18 years old. Fast forward a few months into her marriage and Sidra began to experience severe pain and spotting.
The newly-wed immediately informed her doctor about the pain only to be told that she was three weeks pregnant and had suffered a miscarriage. "The doctor informed me that since I was spotting at such an early stage, they could not do anything about it now," said Sidra. "They asked me to forget about my current pregnancy."
After confirming she was unable to conceive naturally, Sidra sought further assistance from specialists. IVF treatments and injection courses helped her to conceive but not without a multitude of problems.
"A lot of things your body produces normally are not produced when you have PCOS, including the hormones that are produced to secure a pregnancy." In the fifth month of Sidra's next pregnancy, the same issues arose and she miscarried once again.
Societal expectations
It is common for women to fall prey to society's pressure to conceive. Kanwal asks Sidra how she used to deal with others during her stressful time.
"The things people used to say to me hurt me a lot. They would tell me the problem is with me, not with my husband, so I am doing a disservice to him," she said. But that didn't stop Sidra from realising that she was the one suffering and not her spouse.
"At the time I had no response. I would go home and hide my feelings; sometimes I would cry." She continued, "You just have to accept some things, so I accepted the problem is with me."
However, Sidra has something to say to those who are negligent of other's feelings during their time of suffering. "I want go say to those people who torture others, when you know that a girl is passing through this phase, you should not even ask a single question about it," she said.
She also stressed the importance of keeping quiet and not intruding in others' lives.
"When you recommend a doctor to her, you think you are doing a good deed but it is still hurtful to her. She starts thinking that you're recommending a doctor to her because you feel she is lacking something and so, she doesn't have children."
Gathering strength
After a series of unsuccessful IVF treatments to secure a healthy pregnancy, Sidra experienced severe depression. She explained to Kanwal that her family was very supportive and wanted her to be happy.
Her family stressed that her health was more important to them rather than her having a child. This gave Sidra the strength to tackle societal pressure and be accepting of her situation.
"I thought to myself that everyone can't get everything in life, Allah blesses people with different things," she says to Kanwal with a smile on her face. She continues "it's possible that it is not in my destiny to have a child, maybe I will get something better."
An unexpected blessing
Sidra started to focus on her health and happiness by keeping busy, working out and socialising. She also gave up trying to have a baby and closed that chapter completely.
But then, something miraculous happened to Sidra after noticing a series of missed periods. "The doctor asked me if I knew how far along I was in my pregnancy and it turned out I was 16 plus weeks pregnant."
She gave birth to a healthy baby. "I had come to terms with the fact I would never have a child and God gave me a miracle," she said, concluding the interview with a big smile on her face.
Have something to add to the story? Share it in the comments below.