The tiger mother controversy

Parents, obsessive or not, have an unyielding belief that they can make a big difference in what their children turn out to be. From giving them a name to deciding what subjects they should study, they devoutly believe that their role in bringing up their child is pivotal. There hasn’t been any other art that has so ardently become a science. A diverse group of parenting experts have come forward with multiple theories and advice, and parents who follow their advice are at times disenchanted and baffled.

Discussing the topic, a friend suggested a book by Amy Chua, a Yale law professor, who is a Chinese mother born and educated in the US and who has shocked readers with her book The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.

Amy Chua’s article which was published in the Wall Street Journal before the launch of the book created an uproar and a huge controversy. In the article titled ”Why Chinese mothers are Superior” she writes: “A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. Well, I can tell them, because I’ve done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do: Attend a sleepover, have a play date, be in a school play, complain about not being in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama, play any instrument other than the piano or violin, not play the piano or violin.”

Ms Chua has adopted a very aggressive tone in her article as well as in her book. She calls herself a ‘Tiger Mom’. Chinese mothers strongly believe a child’s academic achievement is a ‘reflection’ of successful parenting. A child cannot enjoy anything unless he becomes the ‘best’ at it whether it is Math or Music. If the child is not performing well, then either there is a “problem” with the child or the parents are “not doing their job”.

Ms Chua mentions Chinese parents expect strength not fragility from their children and that is how they prepare their children for the cut-throat competitive marketplace. The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is also a mother’s battle to preserve Chinese culture and values while living in the West.

On the other hand, Steven Levitt and Stephen Dunbar in their international bestseller Freakonomics have a very different recipe for successful parenting from the perspective of economics. To them, as research proves, what attributes to an individual’s success is not what his/her parents do but who they are. According to them, “if you are smart, hard-working, well-educated, well-paid and are married to someone equally fortunate, then your children are more likely to succeed”.

Where do we as Pakistani mothers, fit in?

Published in The Express Tribune, June 25^th, 2011.