She’s 70 years old and has lost count of how many marriages she’s been through
Matchmaker recollects how times have changed since she started matchmaking almost 30 years ago.
KARACHI:
“Who listens to their parents these days?” asks Qureshi, as she recollects how times have changed since she started matchmaking almost 30 years ago.
Begum Mumtaz Qureshi has run a marriage bureau, Clifton Women Welfare Society, in Karachi since 1982, with offices in Boat Basin and Gulshan-e-Iqbal. Her daughter and sister run the business in the US, and she maintains a website — bestrishtay.com.
Despite being 70, she is still one of the most prominent matchmakers in town. Indeed, she has lost count of how many marriages she has arranged over the years. But she does coyly mention that clients have included men who are now high-ranking officials in the military.
She has heard her share of ludicrous requests. “A compounder wanted to marry a doctor with an ambulance and a clinic as a dowry!”
“A lot has changed in terms of marriage trends in Karachi,” Qureshi told The Express Tribune. “Earlier, people would not want to get their sons married to women who worked, or would prefer if they were doctors or teachers, since they worked shorter hours. Now, people want girls who have MBA degrees or who are bankers. Men believe it is easier for them to adjust to someone who understands their career and can mingle with their colleagues and family.”
Qureshi says she tells people to be upfront with families about what they expect and to introduce the couple-to-be to each other. She stresses that people must make inquiries about the family. “They must investigate everything, from the boy’s background and income to how the family and extended family interact.”
Other trends have also changed in Karachi over the decades. “People do not ask about dowry any more. Nor do they care whether the girl knows how to cook, as compared to the earlier years when women said, ‘We really like having hot chapattis’ or ‘The girl should be proficient at cooking.’”
The growing number of couples getting divorced concerns her greatly. “People do not want to adjust,” Qureshi says. “They instantly want to call it quits. Marriage is not a bed of roses. You tolerate a lot of things your boss says and adjust to a workplace; you have to put the same amount of effort into a marriage. I say this because it is more difficult for girls after they get divorced. Their own friends, these NGO types, encourage them to divorce but do not want to associate with them afterwards.”
According to the 2007 Pakistan Demographic Survey conducted by the Federal Bureau of Statistics, 9,808 women in Sindh are divorced, compared to 5,787 men.
“People have such double standards though!” she exclaims. “I met a man and his sister. Both of them were divorced and had children, yet they wanted to remarry people who did not have children.”
Also, families are now obsessed with skin colour or how “beautiful” the girl is. “I grade girls based on their personality and looks. Girls today know how to maintain themselves; they can look pretty regardless of how dark or fair-skinned they are.”
Religion still plays a strong factor in arranged marriages. “Let alone marrying a Sunni or a Shia, they now also want someone within a certain sect! How idiotic of them!”
Published in The Express Tribune, February 13th, 2011.
“Who listens to their parents these days?” asks Qureshi, as she recollects how times have changed since she started matchmaking almost 30 years ago.
Begum Mumtaz Qureshi has run a marriage bureau, Clifton Women Welfare Society, in Karachi since 1982, with offices in Boat Basin and Gulshan-e-Iqbal. Her daughter and sister run the business in the US, and she maintains a website — bestrishtay.com.
Despite being 70, she is still one of the most prominent matchmakers in town. Indeed, she has lost count of how many marriages she has arranged over the years. But she does coyly mention that clients have included men who are now high-ranking officials in the military.
She has heard her share of ludicrous requests. “A compounder wanted to marry a doctor with an ambulance and a clinic as a dowry!”
“A lot has changed in terms of marriage trends in Karachi,” Qureshi told The Express Tribune. “Earlier, people would not want to get their sons married to women who worked, or would prefer if they were doctors or teachers, since they worked shorter hours. Now, people want girls who have MBA degrees or who are bankers. Men believe it is easier for them to adjust to someone who understands their career and can mingle with their colleagues and family.”
Qureshi says she tells people to be upfront with families about what they expect and to introduce the couple-to-be to each other. She stresses that people must make inquiries about the family. “They must investigate everything, from the boy’s background and income to how the family and extended family interact.”
Other trends have also changed in Karachi over the decades. “People do not ask about dowry any more. Nor do they care whether the girl knows how to cook, as compared to the earlier years when women said, ‘We really like having hot chapattis’ or ‘The girl should be proficient at cooking.’”
The growing number of couples getting divorced concerns her greatly. “People do not want to adjust,” Qureshi says. “They instantly want to call it quits. Marriage is not a bed of roses. You tolerate a lot of things your boss says and adjust to a workplace; you have to put the same amount of effort into a marriage. I say this because it is more difficult for girls after they get divorced. Their own friends, these NGO types, encourage them to divorce but do not want to associate with them afterwards.”
According to the 2007 Pakistan Demographic Survey conducted by the Federal Bureau of Statistics, 9,808 women in Sindh are divorced, compared to 5,787 men.
“People have such double standards though!” she exclaims. “I met a man and his sister. Both of them were divorced and had children, yet they wanted to remarry people who did not have children.”
Also, families are now obsessed with skin colour or how “beautiful” the girl is. “I grade girls based on their personality and looks. Girls today know how to maintain themselves; they can look pretty regardless of how dark or fair-skinned they are.”
Religion still plays a strong factor in arranged marriages. “Let alone marrying a Sunni or a Shia, they now also want someone within a certain sect! How idiotic of them!”
Published in The Express Tribune, February 13th, 2011.