7 things men hate hearing from their wives
Here’s a checklist of some of the most common things men resent hearing from their wives
Here’s a checklist of some of the most common things men resent hearing from their wives. PHOTO: AFP
We know you’ve been thinking it to yourself so let’s just come out with the truth: It’s perfectly normal to hate on your spouse from time to time. As two different individuals living together, you’re naturally bound to say some tone-deaf things every now and then and like we said, that’s alright.
But there are just some boundaries that no couple should cross; some phrases that ought to be absolute no-no’s, lest you want your marriage to go sour. As compiled from Huffington Post, here’s a checklist of some of the most common things men resent hearing from their wives. Read them, learn them but never, ever use them!
1. Nevermind, I’ll just do it myself
Marriage pro tip: When you ask your spouse to call the plumber to fix the sink, give him an adequate chance to do it. Rolling your eyes and saying, “Nevermind, I’ll do it myself” may result in you getting your sink fixed sooner but it’s also likely to rub your husband the wrong way. “Chances are, he wants to help you and make you happy,” says Texas-based psychologist Anne Crowley. “It’s a frustrating phrase for a husband to hear because it suggests you don’t think he’s capable of completing the task and don’t need him.”
2. You should have known
You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect the hubby to decipher every last gesture and statement you make, claims Californian clinical psychologist Ryan Howes. “Women become upset when their husbands can’t read between the lines or guess their minds but guys are notoriously poor mind readers,” he says. “Wives will save themselves a lot of grief if they can come to accept this and just ask for what they want.”
3. Do you think she’s hot?
Do you really want to know your husband’s thoughts about attractive women? Probably not. Plus, you’re putting him in an uncomfortable, no-win situation, explains Kurt Smith, a therapist who specialises in counseling men. “Most men have already identified the pretty women in the room; if he’s trying to respect you then he should already be trying not to look. So, you pointing her out will only make him more self-conscious, uncomfortable and unsure of what to do to not upset you or hurt your feelings,” he says.
4. We need to talk
No other words strike more fear into a married man. How about you opt for something less ominous the next time you bring up an issue, suggests Marcia Naomi Berger, author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted. “The phrase ‘we need to talk’ is often a signal of complaints or criticism,” she says. “He assumes he somehow failed you and withdraws, creating a disconnect, which is the exact opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish.”
5. Pick up after yourself. I’m not your mother
“Bringing up mom piles baggage onto what’s probably already a loaded situation,” Smith comments. “Many men are sensitive about their relationships with their mothers, so suggesting he still wants or needs his mom is not a way to encourage him to change behavior you don’t like.”
6. You never, you should have, you ought to...
Scolding your other half about not helping with housework isn’t likely to inspire change, Berger suggests. “Saying someone ‘never’ does something leaves no room for improvement. It’s much better to say, ‘I’d appreciate it if you would empty the dishwasher tonight.’ And when he does, thank him and you can expect more help in the future.”
7. You’re going out with the guys again?
Boys’ nights are no threats to your marriage. It’s quite the opposite, actually, as some time apart will do your relationship good. Howes believes, “for many guys these, are crucial times to connect, seek advice, get support and express some important emotions. Wives who feel threatened by this or forbid their husband from attending may be cutting off a vital support system.”
Published in The Express Tribune, July 15th, 2016.
But there are just some boundaries that no couple should cross; some phrases that ought to be absolute no-no’s, lest you want your marriage to go sour. As compiled from Huffington Post, here’s a checklist of some of the most common things men resent hearing from their wives. Read them, learn them but never, ever use them!
1. Nevermind, I’ll just do it myself
Marriage pro tip: When you ask your spouse to call the plumber to fix the sink, give him an adequate chance to do it. Rolling your eyes and saying, “Nevermind, I’ll do it myself” may result in you getting your sink fixed sooner but it’s also likely to rub your husband the wrong way. “Chances are, he wants to help you and make you happy,” says Texas-based psychologist Anne Crowley. “It’s a frustrating phrase for a husband to hear because it suggests you don’t think he’s capable of completing the task and don’t need him.”
2. You should have known
You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect the hubby to decipher every last gesture and statement you make, claims Californian clinical psychologist Ryan Howes. “Women become upset when their husbands can’t read between the lines or guess their minds but guys are notoriously poor mind readers,” he says. “Wives will save themselves a lot of grief if they can come to accept this and just ask for what they want.”
3. Do you think she’s hot?
Do you really want to know your husband’s thoughts about attractive women? Probably not. Plus, you’re putting him in an uncomfortable, no-win situation, explains Kurt Smith, a therapist who specialises in counseling men. “Most men have already identified the pretty women in the room; if he’s trying to respect you then he should already be trying not to look. So, you pointing her out will only make him more self-conscious, uncomfortable and unsure of what to do to not upset you or hurt your feelings,” he says.
4. We need to talk
No other words strike more fear into a married man. How about you opt for something less ominous the next time you bring up an issue, suggests Marcia Naomi Berger, author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted. “The phrase ‘we need to talk’ is often a signal of complaints or criticism,” she says. “He assumes he somehow failed you and withdraws, creating a disconnect, which is the exact opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish.”
5. Pick up after yourself. I’m not your mother
“Bringing up mom piles baggage onto what’s probably already a loaded situation,” Smith comments. “Many men are sensitive about their relationships with their mothers, so suggesting he still wants or needs his mom is not a way to encourage him to change behavior you don’t like.”
6. You never, you should have, you ought to...
Scolding your other half about not helping with housework isn’t likely to inspire change, Berger suggests. “Saying someone ‘never’ does something leaves no room for improvement. It’s much better to say, ‘I’d appreciate it if you would empty the dishwasher tonight.’ And when he does, thank him and you can expect more help in the future.”
7. You’re going out with the guys again?
Boys’ nights are no threats to your marriage. It’s quite the opposite, actually, as some time apart will do your relationship good. Howes believes, “for many guys these, are crucial times to connect, seek advice, get support and express some important emotions. Wives who feel threatened by this or forbid their husband from attending may be cutting off a vital support system.”
Published in The Express Tribune, July 15th, 2016.