30’s the new 20

The big 3-0 is no longer a problem for working women.

Traditional norms dictate that by the time a woman is 30-years-old, she should be married with at least one child (and perhaps another on the way).

However, according to new psychological research, in today’s competitive world women (and men) are delaying big milestones such as marriage, career and children. Nowadays these young adults are spending more time completing advanced degrees, finding work that the love rather than what pays them more and deciding their next move.

This trend has caused a small but influential group of psychology experts to come up with the term “emerging adulthood” which is the time period between 18 years of age and late 20s. Some critics say that this time lag is a way to preserve freedom — to work, to travel, to meet new people and to avoid mortgages, diaper changes and parent-teacher meetings.

In Pakistan, another rising trend that can be seen is the rate of divorce. One reason for this can be the bending and overlapping of roles where women are child-bearers and primary care-givers but are also expected to contribute as bread earners. Problems come in when there are too many shoes to fill and the reward just doesn’t seem enough. The lack of dependence on your spouse can be a reason to want an ideal situation and compromise less.

Celebrities are often emulated and if today’s celebrities are our ideals then turning 30 really isn’t a reason to slow down one’s career, get married and start reproducing. From high powered executives like Musharraf Hai, model and actor Tooba, Ayesha Toor, actor Sadia Imam, singer-song writer Hadiqa Kiyani, author Kamila Shahmsie and model and actor Nadia Hussain are just some women who have  successful careers.

Across the border in Bollywood, actors are refusing to bow to traditional pressures of marriage and family. A new film on the subject claiming the change in attitude reflects wider shifts in Indian society. Turning 30, starring Purab Kohli and Gul Panag, follows a character who discovers that the end of her 20s, the loss of her job and boyfriend need not be the end of the world.

Panag said the film, released last month, reflected changes in urban India, as the country’s economy expands and shakes up traditional roles and demographics in society. “There is definitely a change happening,” she told reporters. “I feel audiences will be able to connect instantly with the film because you see many women around you today who are independently minded.”

Successful women aren’t hard to find in India. They include President Prathiba Patil, speaker of the lower house of parliament Meira Kumar, and the head of the Congress-led government, Sonia Gandhi and many women are at the helm of corporate giants. Official figures suggest that women more than doubled their presence in India’s top engineering colleges in the last decade, with enrolment up in subjects from management to medicine. In Bollywood, 30-something actors like Kareena Kapoor, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Rani Mukherjee, Shilpa Shetty and Preity Zinta all enjoy huge profiles.

But even though women in the subcontinent are forging their own paths, they are not completely immune from traditional pressures. “Till this day many girls are being asked questions that why they are not married even after reaching 30,” said Turning 30 director Alankrita Srivastava. “But there is a slow change happening today and many girls just don’t want to get hitched for the sake of getting hitched.”

Both Pakistan and India have a long way to go until women are fully emancipated. Because although empowerment has definitely begun for women in the urban society, activists say more needs to be done to tackle crimes against women, like domestic violence, sexual harassment and discrimination as well as improve women’s health and family planning, especially in rural areas.

WITH ADDITIONAL INFORMATION FROM AFP

Published in The Express Tribune, February 3^rd, 2011.