Beyond swipe right: The pickup line gets a makeover
The simple “Hi” and its variations are the surest ways to end a conversation
PHOTO: Credit Colin McConnel/Gettyimages
Whither the pickup line?
Thanks to the popular dating app Tinder, a one-size-fits-all gesture of approval, swipe right, has in theory replaced awkward fumbles at an opening conversational gambit.
But in fact, the migration of courtship online has resulted in a refinement of pickup lines far beyond ’70s singles-bar relics like “Hey baby, what’s your sign?” and “Are those space pants? Because your butt is out of this world.”
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The simple “Hi” and its variations are the surest ways to end a conversation; they’re too generic and, lately, indistinguishable from the way bots initiate contact. Only those with the most flattering profile pictures can get away with generic questions like “How was your weekend?”
And so Tom Anderson, 26, a graduate student at New York University, has started pitching his matches hypothetical situations, as in the popular “Choose Your Own Adventure” children’s book series, to try to get their attention.
“Hey, so it’s your third day traversing the Alaskan tundra,” one starts.
Anderson has four story beginnings that he sends to potential matches, and two completed stories in case he gets an enthusiastic response. But thus far the reactions he has gotten are mostly “too long; did not read” and “that’s really clever” with no follow-up, Anderson said. He added that “a couple people have gotten really offended,” accusing him of trying to fit them into a narrative rather than getting to know them.
A more common approach in Tinder-land is to quickly skim the other person’s profile and find something to comment on — a detail from a photo, or a line of profile text. Statements tend to work better than questions as conversation starters; they’re less personal and invite reactions and commentary rather than disclosure. With the help of a friend, Brent Bailey, 24, a programmer in New York, came up with a successful opener to someone who mentioned her life being “a bit messy” in her profile.
“I could make your life a whole lot messier,” he responded.
Mr. Bailey said he was more successful with crowd-sourced pickup lines. “As a rule, my friends are way less concerned about my dignity, so they usually come up with something way more interesting than I would,” he said.
There is such a thing as too interesting, of course. Hannah Smothers, 22, the relationships editor atCosmopolitan.com, said she took down a profile picture of herself reading “Love in the Time of Cholera” on vacation because it attracted so many pretentiously literary come-ons. (Though perhaps these were preferable to the man who commented on her navel.)
Woman poses as Muslim on Tinder for social experiment, gets profile blocked
On the dating service Bumble, where women must initiate all conversations, Smothers decided to try what she called a “dumb troll-y” gimmick — asking every match if he was a feminist. Men loved it, and she got a high response rate she has yet to match.
Bumble has “created a place where men can sit back and relax and let women come to them,” Smothers said approvingly.
Others’ relaxed approaches may mean stealing a well-oiled line like “There she is,” parsed by Sam Biddle of Gawker in February 2015.
After all, “even good old ‘hello’ has a distinctly psychopathic character in black-on-grey,” Biddle mused of his pickup travails. And indeed “there she is” was brilliant in its simplicity: familiar but alluring, like your partner welcoming you home after your long day.
Of course, now that it’s out there and frequently used, the line is less likely to work, as more elaborate pickup artists like Anderson of NYU have grasped.
He is taking a break from dating and story-writing for the moment, but hopes to eventually find someone to appreciate his carefully constructed opening lines.
“In a way, it’s impossible,” Anderson said of Tinder rituals. “It’s a bizarre way to actually meet someone and judge if you’re having a connection with them.”
This article originally appeared on the New York Times, a partner of The Express Tribune.
Thanks to the popular dating app Tinder, a one-size-fits-all gesture of approval, swipe right, has in theory replaced awkward fumbles at an opening conversational gambit.
But in fact, the migration of courtship online has resulted in a refinement of pickup lines far beyond ’70s singles-bar relics like “Hey baby, what’s your sign?” and “Are those space pants? Because your butt is out of this world.”
7 reasons you keep falling for the wrong guy
The simple “Hi” and its variations are the surest ways to end a conversation; they’re too generic and, lately, indistinguishable from the way bots initiate contact. Only those with the most flattering profile pictures can get away with generic questions like “How was your weekend?”
And so Tom Anderson, 26, a graduate student at New York University, has started pitching his matches hypothetical situations, as in the popular “Choose Your Own Adventure” children’s book series, to try to get their attention.
“Hey, so it’s your third day traversing the Alaskan tundra,” one starts.
Anderson has four story beginnings that he sends to potential matches, and two completed stories in case he gets an enthusiastic response. But thus far the reactions he has gotten are mostly “too long; did not read” and “that’s really clever” with no follow-up, Anderson said. He added that “a couple people have gotten really offended,” accusing him of trying to fit them into a narrative rather than getting to know them.
A more common approach in Tinder-land is to quickly skim the other person’s profile and find something to comment on — a detail from a photo, or a line of profile text. Statements tend to work better than questions as conversation starters; they’re less personal and invite reactions and commentary rather than disclosure. With the help of a friend, Brent Bailey, 24, a programmer in New York, came up with a successful opener to someone who mentioned her life being “a bit messy” in her profile.
“I could make your life a whole lot messier,” he responded.
Mr. Bailey said he was more successful with crowd-sourced pickup lines. “As a rule, my friends are way less concerned about my dignity, so they usually come up with something way more interesting than I would,” he said.
There is such a thing as too interesting, of course. Hannah Smothers, 22, the relationships editor atCosmopolitan.com, said she took down a profile picture of herself reading “Love in the Time of Cholera” on vacation because it attracted so many pretentiously literary come-ons. (Though perhaps these were preferable to the man who commented on her navel.)
Woman poses as Muslim on Tinder for social experiment, gets profile blocked
On the dating service Bumble, where women must initiate all conversations, Smothers decided to try what she called a “dumb troll-y” gimmick — asking every match if he was a feminist. Men loved it, and she got a high response rate she has yet to match.
Bumble has “created a place where men can sit back and relax and let women come to them,” Smothers said approvingly.
Others’ relaxed approaches may mean stealing a well-oiled line like “There she is,” parsed by Sam Biddle of Gawker in February 2015.
After all, “even good old ‘hello’ has a distinctly psychopathic character in black-on-grey,” Biddle mused of his pickup travails. And indeed “there she is” was brilliant in its simplicity: familiar but alluring, like your partner welcoming you home after your long day.
Of course, now that it’s out there and frequently used, the line is less likely to work, as more elaborate pickup artists like Anderson of NYU have grasped.
He is taking a break from dating and story-writing for the moment, but hopes to eventually find someone to appreciate his carefully constructed opening lines.
“In a way, it’s impossible,” Anderson said of Tinder rituals. “It’s a bizarre way to actually meet someone and judge if you’re having a connection with them.”
This article originally appeared on the New York Times, a partner of The Express Tribune.