8 signs you might be a narcissist
Read on to learn common narcissistic traits, and see how many feel familiar
PHOTO COURTESY: blogs.psychcentral.com
The term narcissistic could casually be used to imply that someone’s pretty vain. But, narcissism is far more intricate than that. That’s because the traits that make narcissists so difficult to hang out with or form relationships with include a constant need for endorsement, an inclination to control people and callousness in making ends meet. So how can you tell if you lie somewhere on the spectrum? Compiled from Business Insider and Health magazine, read on to learn common narcissistic traits, and see how many feel familiar.
1. You must be the centre of attention
2. You offer (uninvited) advice, often
Certainly, you’re trying to be accommodating by recommending the finest sushi places in Lahore, or sharing your wisdom on parenting, though you don’t really have kids yourself. But, you are also seizing an opportunity to demonstrate your superior knowledge and insight, explains Brugo. “Narcissists are always a little more in the know,” he says. “They seem to have the inside info on everything.” By acting more sophisticated than everyone in the room, they are only boosting your inflated sense of self —unfortunately at other peoples’ expense.
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3. You despise waiting in line
Okay, queues aren’t for you. Also, you get frustrated if someone doesn’t respond to your text message right away. On some level, you feel you deserve special treatment, whether you’re among friends or at the licence office! “Whatever a narcissist’s needs are, they need to be met now,” says Karyl McBride, a marriage and family therapist and author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? “They want automatic compliance because they are that important.” Whether they are conscious of it or not, narcissists live their lives with a sense of privilege, and for better or worse, they expect the world to revolve around them, always.
4. You’re ambitious and a half
It’s one thing to shoot for the stars, and another to work ridiculously hard to accomplish your goals. Narcissists believe that they are destined for greatness — they think promotion is kind of their birth right! That type of imposing assumption is a classic symptom of the personality disorder. They tend to believe they are naturally distinctive and part of an elite class that deserves only the best.
“They fantasise about how much more powerful they will be, how much more beautiful, how much richer,” explains McBride. They also prefer to associate with other “high-status” people and may obsess over status symbols (from the right brands to the right gym). Also, they won’t shy away from demeaning anyone who they don’t identify to be part of the same exclusive club.
5. You are extremely competitive
In a narcissist’s worldview, there are winners and losers, shares Brugo and the narcissist needs to win in virtually every domain — on the badminton court, in the weight room, at work — yes, even at their kids’ sports day. “They have to make themselves out to be superior to somebody else,” he explains, in a persistent mission to prove their supremacy.
The opponent could be a stranger or someone they love. That compulsive drive to come out on top (no matter who ends up on bottom) makes it difficult to celebrate other people’s successes, like, say, a college buddy’s impressive new job — because in that moment, for them, someone else is the “winner.”
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6. You’re legendary at holding grudges
To everyone else, they perhaps seem highly self-assured — the kind of people who don’t care the slightest of other people’s opinions. But for narcissists, that couldn’t be remoter from the truth. They are concerned deeply about maintaining their glamourised image of themselves and have trouble stomaching any sort of disapproval or slur, explains Brugo. No matter how small a criticism, “it feels like a huge assault, a personal attack,” and one they’re unlikely to forget. “If they feel slighted, or abandoned, they don’t get over it,” adds McBride. Rather than deal with their hurt feelings, they get angry and seek payback, in one form or another.
7. You believe everyone else is stupid. Everyone but you
Many narcissists are known for their gift of articulation and are often know-it-alls, who have a hard time getting along with co-workers and bonding with friends because they refuse to believe they could possibly be wrong about anything. They believe their opinion is what matters — someone stands up for a rebuttal and you’ll find them rolling their eyes. Burgo has observed that these narcissists walk around with a marked sense of pre-eminence to others and have a “my way or the highway” approach to decision-making.
8. You take advantage of people — guilt-free
It may not be completely deliberate, but it happens, because they tend to view situations in terms of what they mean for them, and them only. The reason? The absence of empathy, shares McBride, which further explains their lack of guilt when they use other people for their advantage. The “inability to turn into the emotional world of others” is a cornerstone of narcissism, she says — and what makes it so dangerous. “Narcissists expect others to revolve around their needs, but they refuse to do the same for anyone else.” That means to get what you want, you aren’t afraid to manipulate or bully whoever is in your way. Because in the end, it’s always all about you.
Published in The Express Tribune, February 9th, 2016.
1. You must be the centre of attention
“Narcissists dominate conversations,” says Joseph Brugo, psychotherapist and author of The Narcissist You Know. “They feel compelled to talk about themselves and they exaggerate their accomplishments.” If you’re narcissistic, you might find yourself overstating your stories and rotating them to impress your audience. You imply to people that you are your boss’s right-hand, the most flexible yogi in your class and the most popular guest at restaurants.
2. You offer (uninvited) advice, often
Certainly, you’re trying to be accommodating by recommending the finest sushi places in Lahore, or sharing your wisdom on parenting, though you don’t really have kids yourself. But, you are also seizing an opportunity to demonstrate your superior knowledge and insight, explains Brugo. “Narcissists are always a little more in the know,” he says. “They seem to have the inside info on everything.” By acting more sophisticated than everyone in the room, they are only boosting your inflated sense of self —unfortunately at other peoples’ expense.
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3. You despise waiting in line
Okay, queues aren’t for you. Also, you get frustrated if someone doesn’t respond to your text message right away. On some level, you feel you deserve special treatment, whether you’re among friends or at the licence office! “Whatever a narcissist’s needs are, they need to be met now,” says Karyl McBride, a marriage and family therapist and author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? “They want automatic compliance because they are that important.” Whether they are conscious of it or not, narcissists live their lives with a sense of privilege, and for better or worse, they expect the world to revolve around them, always.
4. You’re ambitious and a half
It’s one thing to shoot for the stars, and another to work ridiculously hard to accomplish your goals. Narcissists believe that they are destined for greatness — they think promotion is kind of their birth right! That type of imposing assumption is a classic symptom of the personality disorder. They tend to believe they are naturally distinctive and part of an elite class that deserves only the best.
“They fantasise about how much more powerful they will be, how much more beautiful, how much richer,” explains McBride. They also prefer to associate with other “high-status” people and may obsess over status symbols (from the right brands to the right gym). Also, they won’t shy away from demeaning anyone who they don’t identify to be part of the same exclusive club.
5. You are extremely competitive
In a narcissist’s worldview, there are winners and losers, shares Brugo and the narcissist needs to win in virtually every domain — on the badminton court, in the weight room, at work — yes, even at their kids’ sports day. “They have to make themselves out to be superior to somebody else,” he explains, in a persistent mission to prove their supremacy.
The opponent could be a stranger or someone they love. That compulsive drive to come out on top (no matter who ends up on bottom) makes it difficult to celebrate other people’s successes, like, say, a college buddy’s impressive new job — because in that moment, for them, someone else is the “winner.”
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6. You’re legendary at holding grudges
To everyone else, they perhaps seem highly self-assured — the kind of people who don’t care the slightest of other people’s opinions. But for narcissists, that couldn’t be remoter from the truth. They are concerned deeply about maintaining their glamourised image of themselves and have trouble stomaching any sort of disapproval or slur, explains Brugo. No matter how small a criticism, “it feels like a huge assault, a personal attack,” and one they’re unlikely to forget. “If they feel slighted, or abandoned, they don’t get over it,” adds McBride. Rather than deal with their hurt feelings, they get angry and seek payback, in one form or another.
7. You believe everyone else is stupid. Everyone but you
Many narcissists are known for their gift of articulation and are often know-it-alls, who have a hard time getting along with co-workers and bonding with friends because they refuse to believe they could possibly be wrong about anything. They believe their opinion is what matters — someone stands up for a rebuttal and you’ll find them rolling their eyes. Burgo has observed that these narcissists walk around with a marked sense of pre-eminence to others and have a “my way or the highway” approach to decision-making.
8. You take advantage of people — guilt-free
It may not be completely deliberate, but it happens, because they tend to view situations in terms of what they mean for them, and them only. The reason? The absence of empathy, shares McBride, which further explains their lack of guilt when they use other people for their advantage. The “inability to turn into the emotional world of others” is a cornerstone of narcissism, she says — and what makes it so dangerous. “Narcissists expect others to revolve around their needs, but they refuse to do the same for anyone else.” That means to get what you want, you aren’t afraid to manipulate or bully whoever is in your way. Because in the end, it’s always all about you.
Published in The Express Tribune, February 9th, 2016.