Exploring love through the rhythm and blues of K-pop
On this auspicious day marked by overt, commercialised gestures in the name of love, I cannot help but wonder if Shakespeare ought to warn us about the ides of February instead of March.
Perhaps that’s an exceedingly cynical approach towards it but like every year preceding this one, on Valentine’s day I am forced to confront my acerbic feelings about an occasion that so many look forward to, plan for and celebrate with full fervour just to make their loved one feel special.
The most painfully obvious explanation is that I feel shut out, having no one to express my love for romantically, with parasocial relationships that can only go so far. The commercialisation aspect might have something to do with it too.
But before this spirals into a pity party for the hopeless romantics who have made peace with a #ForeverAlone future, I would like to raise an important point about love. While nothing can stand in for the romantic kind, our lives can still be fulfilled in several other ways of loving and being loved.
In any case, whether you’ve experienced the full spectrum of emotions from butterfly bellies to ardent passion or nothing remarkable, it can be difficult to make sense of a feeling that words cannot encompass.
This is where Korean pop music comes in.
I have said before that music moves us in a visceral way unlike any other art form. I feel the reality of this idea hit me everytime I listen to a song with lyrics in this foreign language I don’t understand. Even as the words evade my comprehension, the yearning in the titillating vocals of a ballad or the adrenaline in the heavy bass of a dance number does not.
As someone who’s seeing an ever-growing appreciation for this genre that used to be my little secret from adolescence to adulthood, I feel compelled to share how versatile K-pop is with its songs that explore different facets of love.
Anyone who has lived through teenage and settled into adulthood can testify to the unique brand of love that we experience during our formative years.
Honestly, it would be amiss to call that naive but intense infatuation love at all. Yet it is no less magical in the rush of elation that it evokes in high school sweethearts or those going through the wattpad phase of trashy romance fanfiction.
What is love?
Will love come to me someday?
If there is one song that perfectly captures the emotions, wonder and naivety that accompanies young love, it is TWICE’s “What is Love?”. With an upbeat instrumental incorporated with elements of trap, the 9 member girl group croons about feelings so big they threaten to burst out of your heart and spill.
The simplicity of their musings about whether love feels the same as it is depicted in rom-coms and whether they will experience it at all are reminiscent of the way adolescents grapple with emotions that they struggle to give a name to.
Go to the end with me, my lover
Two of us, side by side, gone astray on purpose
As these feelings grow with time to seemingly become all we can think about, the object of our fancies becomes our singular focus. The rest of the world and the people in it fade into white noise, an annoying distraction from the rush we want to chase after even if it takes us to the ends of the earth and beyond, like a child chasing after a butterfly.
IU, also hailed as ‘The Nation’s Nightingale’ in Korea, claims “Love Wins All” in a soulful ballad about testing the strength of love. Are you willing to forsake the rest of the world to be with your beloved?
Guide me to where you live, take me with you
Oh, even to the world's end, I'll follow you
In a track titled “Don’t Go” which seems to be a direct response to IU’s question, boy-group EXO sings about the enchanting wonder of love similar to that of a child following a butterfly, attuned only to its presence.
Of course, the kind of sacrifice IU’s ballad demands is asking for a lot. To manifest and maintain an ‘us vs them’ kind of love and overcome impossible circumstances, complete vulnerability is required which rarely comes easy to the best of us.
Oh, my heart says yes, but my lips say no
Love is the way, I keep getting lost
Even if our heart has no inhibitions about giving in to our feelings, the mind may behave differently. Deadset with its defense mechanisms it may create roadblocks that keep us from admitting the true extent of our devotions due to fear of rejection or being hurt in any other way.
Red Velvet boasting a discography of both smooth r&b sounds as well as bold bubble pop tunes encapsulate this exact dilemma in their song “Love Is The Way”. Caught between their feelings and their fears, the girl group laments the complex emotions that accompany love and asks their lover to wait patiently as they untangle this mess of feelings.
While the medium tempo and retro vibe of the track get your feet tapping and head swaying instantaneously, the message of the song is as impactful.
You want all of me, I can't give that much
So don't fall too hard 'cause I'm hard to love
Because vulnerability is a goal that needs to be worked towards in any relationship, many of us might find it more convenient to keep the walls up around our hearts. The idea might be downright scary for some who find the thrill of a growing crush or lingering tension sufficient but cannot commit to a relationship that requires them to bare themselves emotionally in front of the other person.
Rosé from the renowned group Blackpink, counts herself among this group as she lends her soft vocals to an anthem about being “Hard To Love”. Blending elements of 90’s rock and disco, the song is a warning about feelings veering into a territory marred by commitment issues and guarded hearts.
While it is understandable that some people do not have the courage and patience to risk being hurt in love again, being as self-aware as Rosé’s lyrics make her out to be is perhaps the first step toward healing.
Oh, the way he makes me feel that love isn't real
Cupid is so dumb
To that end, Cupid is the perfect scapegoat whom those of us with unsuccessful, unfulfilled love lives can blame for our own shortcomings. Fifty Fifty’s viral song dedicated to the Roman god of love, desire and attraction can be a comfort to the ones who are skeptical of love and still yearn for it hopelessly.
Although different due to its minimal use of disco beats, synths and guitars, lyrically, the retro-inspired track mirror’s Twice’s “What is love?” as it dejectedly asks whether heartbreak, loneliness and disappointment is all there is to be left with in love.
Come here, I'm your paradise
I'm here to save you, I'm here to ruin you
Speaking of it, any discussion about the feeling is in my opinion incomplete without touching upon parasocial relationships. While fans have a lot to say about them, idols have started chiming in too, with the most popular instance being BTS’ nu-disco song “Pied Piper” aptly based on the legend about children becoming entranced by a piper’s tune and following him blindly to their doom.
Not at all averse to the role of charismatic boyfriends in millions of fans’ daydreams, BTS has a heartwarming approach towards the notion. Instead of rebuking their admirers, they combine consolation with a gentle reminder that this escapist fantasy ultimately leads nowhere.
Too much, it's you
Your lovе, this is overdose
While such relationships can be soothing, BTS warns their fans to be wary of getting addicted to the dopamine boosts that come with them, an aspect that characterises bonds in real life too. I
once read somewhere that the beginnings of a crush are akin to hard drugs in the way our brain registers them chemically. While the veracity of the claim is doubtful, it does put into perspective how difficult it is to walk away from a relationship that turns toxic.
Along this theme, EXO mixes electronic beats with r&b rhythms to deliver an urban-pop hit called “Overdose” about an all-consuming affair so addictive it pushes you over the edge.
Just one tear is all it takes
Cry for me, let me please forgive you
If your relationship somehow manages to survive that, the toxicity might give way to resentment although breaking away could still be painful. Oscillating between these feelings of love and hate is nothing new for pop queens TWICE who switch up their sound in ”Cry for Me” a melancholic plea relayed over intense synths.
As the song passes its climax, the singers end with a dramatically delivered “I want you to die for me”, letting their true feelings about love shine in a cathartic release. “Cry for Me” is brilliant because of its nuanced portrayal of love and how ugly it can become.
Loving myself might be harder
Than loving someone else
All that being said, regardless of what stage your relationship is in or what love means to you, BTS leaves us with the answer (quite literally) to all our woes over a pop-rock and piano track titled “Answer: Love Myself”.
While I’m tempted to say that it is the most secure form of love, that is not always the case as we are very much capable of hurting ourselves. Nevertheless, redirecting the care and attention we show others inwards is always worthwhile.
So whether you and your significant other have weathered all the storms together or the sparks are just beginning to fly, rest assured that there exists a K-pop love song that's relevant to your exact situation and will help you communicate to your lover what cannot be put into words.
As I began so shall I end with solid advice from the playwright himself, “If music be the food of love, play on.”