Celebrating Eid: for dummies

Dude, where is your kurta? Skip the jeans, enjoy the eidi tradition and follow the hugging protocol!

Eid Mubarak Pakistan!

The end of Ramazan is upon us, and the time for celebration is nigh. May all of us have a safe and enjoyable Eid, full of contentment, love and warmth.

Here for you, we have Eid related tips that may come in handy! Give them a read, and do share any tips of your own in the comments section.

1) You are not Arnold Schwarzenegger. We get it. You’ve got at least one firearm, and enough ammo to liberate a small country, but hawai (aerial) firing to celebrate anything – least of all, Eid, is just stupid. Countless residents of Pakistan are injured or killed every year from this irresponsible behavior. Remember, unless you’ve got a gun powerful enough to fire projectiles into orbit, those bullets will land somewhere back on planet earth.

This Eid, if you really want to play John Rambo, tie a red dupatta around your forehead and run around with a plastic dagger (away from normal people, please), but for god’s sake don’t discharge your weapon in the air.

2) Sleep early on Chand Raat: Yes, you are excited about being able to eat, drink, and getting funny with your significant other during daylight hours again, but try to go to bed early. No one likes a red-eyed, sleep deprived zombie during Eid visits (unless you are boring).

3) Drive carefully: It is Eid day, and the roads of Pakistan are as clear of traffic as you will ever see – even the tullas are out of sight. But you aren’t Michael Schumacher, and this is Pakistan, not a scene from “Fast and Furious”. Every Eid day I see at least one horrific accident, because some akalmand got overly excited by the nearly empty road.

4) Dude, where is your kurta? Alright, so not every guy likes to wear a kurta. But come on, it is Eid! If you wouldn’t dare wear shalwar kameez to a suit and tie affair (which I will totally do, next time), then you shouldn’t shy away from wearing traditional clothing on Eid day. And no, your pretentious pre-torn jeans, and your Megadeth t-shirt, aren’t proper attire for Eid prayers.

5) Enjoy the eidi tradition: Whatever the amount, receiving eidi was one of my greatest pleasures as a child. Granted, the economy is down, and inflation is through the roof, but if you earn money, don’t be a scrooge, hand out some eidi! And please don’t forget the unfortunate! This is a time for giving, so remember to carry some extra cash when you head to prayers in the morning.

6) Follow the hugging protocols: I know tradition dictates that dudes should be hugging thrice per person on Eid day, but we all have a lot of people to hug. Please stop at one hug, and move on to the next relative! Also, if it is a hot day, carry some deodorant in the car. Please?

7) Spice up the small talk: “Aap nay Eid kee namaz kahan parhee?” Without doubt, this is the most repeated question on Eid day, and answering it the hundredth time can feel quite dull. Though admittedly, the topic is quite useful when you are greeting relatives you have nothing in common with, and haven’t seen since the last Eid.

Regardless, I have a suggestion: After you come home from Eid prayers, write down the name of the mosque you prayed at, the time you woke up, the time prayers began, and your overall rating of event, all on a placard card. Oh, and please tell all your friends and relatives to do the same. After Eid prayers, everyone can simply exchange placards, and nod, instead of boring each other to death.