Do you have what it takes to be a society aunty?

Aunties are the essential thread that holds the delicate fabric of Pakistani society together. In fact, it’s quite surprising that a proportion of our country’s defence budget isn’t allocated towards the Aunty Brigade.

‘Society Aunties’ are the crème-de-la-crème of the Aunty Brigade. Deceptively formidable, they are armed with snubs, icy stares and an ammunition of feline comments. Beautifully groomed, dazzlingly arrayed, and possessing razor-sharp social finesse 'Society Aunties' reign drawing rooms, ballrooms, and fashionable weddings. Just don’t make the mistake of addressing them as ‘Aunty’ especially when they appear 39 and Botoxed while their classmates are getting hip replacements.

Have you ever wondered if you have the potential to queen it as a future 'Society Aunty'. Let’s find out!

1) Your favorite type of girly hangout is:

A  Having coffee with your BFFs

B  Hitting the hottest new restaurants in town

C  Attending ‘committee’ teas and lunches decked out in your finery

2) When you come across vague acquaintances, you are likely to:

A  Say hello and re-introduce yourself

B  Smile politely even if you don’t remember their names

C  Scrutinize their coiffures down to their pedicures and pretend not to recognize them until someone introduces you

3) Your main topics of conversation are:

A  Society gossip

B  Your maids, shopping and your in-laws

C  Both A and B, along with the As and Bs of everyone in town

4) Your hair is:

A  Cut in the style of the season

B  Layered down to your waistline

C  Very, very blonde

5) To lunch, you carry:

A  Either a Marc Jacobs crossbody bag or a Stella McCartney in faux leather

B  A red Valentino with oversized roses or a Jimmy Choo clutch

C  You can’t decide between a classic padded Chanel, a regal Hermes, or a metallic Versace

6) When you enter a society event, you automatically:

A  Head straight for the dance floor or wherever the limelight is

B  Start mingling with the crowd while you look for your friends and acquaintances

C  Find yourself a strategic area to queen over for the rest of the evening, best for people-watching and snide remarks

7) Your ideal holiday is:

A  A secluded beach or cultural hub like Prague where you aren’t likely to run into half of Pakistani society, together with a novel and theatre tickets

B  Dubai or anywhere with adequate shopping where your maid is guaranteed a visa. You upload Facebook albums for those feel-good gushing compliments from all your friends

C  A flat in Knightsbridge and invitations to all the Indo-Pak high society events in London—a holiday isn’t a holiday if you can’t see and be seen by the people who matter including desi paparazzi

8) At weddings, you wear:

A  A colourful outfit by an emerging designer that you bought off-the-rack in floaty chiffon with dangly gem-stone earrings and a pouch

B  An embroidered 1-lakh designer sari with a sparkly blouse, your essential diamond choker and a metallic clutch

C  A Swarovski-encrusted 3-lakh couture outfit with 5” python heels accompanied by a Judith Lieber jewel of a handbag and your 5-carat diamond ring, kundan necklace and diamond watch

9) The man in your life is:

A  Your GBF (gay best friend)—you and he have been each other’s society escorts for ever and you both complain about the lack of nice guys in town

B  Your uncle-type husband—whom you’ve been married to for so long that he keeps getting older while you keep getting ‘younger’

C  Your darling, darling son—no girl will ever be good enough for him, except for you

10) The movie character you relate best to is:

A  A woman waiting hopelessly for Mr. Right to commit; think any character in He’s Just Not That Into You

B  A competitive Bridezilla obsessed with having the perfect wedding: think Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson in Bride Wars

C  A mother whose son is marrying below his social status: portrayed by Jane Fonda in Monster In-Law

Aunty-o-meter Mostly As: Very Low Aunty Potential Young At Heart! You are totally oblivious of the Aunty set and particularly contemptuous of its members who are the same age as you. You not only look, but also act, far younger than your age. Your attitude and facial expressions, even your waistline, have remained the same since you were a teenager, and you find yourself often able to relate to your children’s generation better than your own. You appear carefree and have an innate sense of fun. You might need to dignify your wardrobe a tad bit though—stop raiding your daughter’s closet and buy a few classics, and try to stop depending on your kids to provide you with a social life. Mostly Bs: Moderate Aunty Potential Classic Sophisticate! You lie between the fringes of the Aunty set and the young-at-hearts and can fraternize with both. Yet, you feel most at ease with other moderates, as you get envious of the young-at-hearts for getting away with so much, and find it challenging to be completely at ease with the Aunty set. You alter your style and behaviour with your surroundings so you are not always what you appear to be; learn your true self before you perfect the art of artifice and actually become ‘fake.’ Mostly Cs: Aunty Alert Society Aunty! Congratulations, you have the makings of a bonafide Aunty! You are often mistaken for being older than your age even if you are still young and slim because of the imperialistic Aunty aura you give off. You command instant respect and fear in the hearts of your domestic ‘slaves,’ shopkeepers, and society in general, as well as your husband, in-laws or daughter-in-laws and son-in-laws. Society aspirants try to get on your good side and you relish your power and the devoted air-kisses it brings you.