8 things I hate about getting my hair dyed

“Aap ke baalon mein two-tone shades aa rahe hain, dye ke bohat sakht zaroorat hai”

(Your hair has two-toned shades in it. It is absolutely necessary for you to dye your hair.)

There is a constant struggle between the know-it-all salon ladies and ignorant customers. Although we try to fight temptation and stay as far away as possible from these overly welcoming personas, we eventually succumb to their persuasive invitations.

Anything to do with hair can be awfully frightening but it is a whole new experience when it comes to colouring hair. Treat it like a canvas and throw different shades on it, or treat it like royalty and pamper it, there is no guarantee; at the end it all comes down to chance.

Below are eight (overly exaggerated) things I hate about getting my hair dyed!

1. Deciding what colour

Seriously, you spend days flicking through magazines, endless hours discussing it at the dinner table, even Googling images during work hours, quarreling with your close friends and sacrificing your sleep. As monotonous as it sounds, you are never lucky enough to find the perfect match for your hair.

2. Getting it done

The conventional belief that we share about salons being bliss is being questioned here. This lengthy process is not just limited to applying toxic chemicals to your virgin hair but to your entire face. The constant tugging and pulling of strands, the trial and test period, the water spray clouding your vision and the thought of four women on each side staring at your hair is just scary.

3. The wash

A slender silhouette massaging your hair ─ great, who has a problem with that? Just when you start enjoying this, suddenly, the water tap has a seizure. It becomes too hot or too cold. Seems like water taps in Pakistan don’t understand moderation. The same woman you mistook for being generous becomes your biggest opponent. Here, she will take every opportunity to speak to you.

“Is the water okay?”

“Is it too hot?”

“Too cold?”

I know it’s only because she cares, but asking the same question every five seconds does not change anything. Either do something about it or don’t speak!

4. Blow-dry, an oxymoron

The best part of the worst procedure. That’s right, even blow-dries can be dreadful. After six hours of sitting still, the heat of the dryer increases your blood pressure. Furthermore, if you hate your newly dyed perfect hair, the heat makes it more prominent ─ you can’t tie an over-sized bun, dig a hole and hide forever.

5. Anxious audience

All eyes on you. Either you are quick to walk away never knowing what totally random or exceedingly biased people have to say about your hair, or you bear with the flattery hoping to find one genuine comment. There will be many envious flatterers, beware! Just don’t look back!

6. The enemy

There is always that one person who is quick to judge and criticise. Of course, we are open to brutally honest opinions, but at least sugarcoat your pessimism towards my hair.

7. Guilty pleasure

The sick satisfaction that you get after having your hair coloured. It is disgustingly addictive and keeps you craving for more.

8. Aftermath

The horrid backache that you get from sitting like a decorated ornament isn't the only side affect - in fact it is the vicious cycle of having your roots covered every once in two months. This tedious process is repeated and you have no choice but to give in.

Love it or hate it, you are in or out.