10 things I hate about the hater

Published: March 25, 2012

Their articles are so sleep-inducing that reading them is like torture.

1.    Vociferousness: The biggest reason for my hating haters is their vehemence. They don’t try to convince you, but to shout you down. Of course, that’s exactly why you’re reading this; not for a reasoned argument, but in fact for the comments section shouting match that will shortly ensue.

2.    Gender imbalance: Strangely, every time I read any article with the heading ‘I hate…’ the author turns out to be female. No surprise then, that in the ‘ten things I hate’ series, 80% of the haters are women. I don’t know why. Are all these women really the proverbial shrews of Shakespearean fame?

3.    Too judgmental. Haters are too quick to condemn any thing, person or place without really thinking things through.  The automatic assumption is that nothing can be good, and that everything is worth hating. Pretty much like the assumptions I’m making right now!

4.    Trying too hard to be funny. Haters always try to bring humour into their arguments and fail miserably.  Their jokes turn out to be clichéd and banal. Even though we’re already at point no 4, I can almost see your bored and snide expression and the sheer disdain you have for my failed attempts to bring some chuckles into points 1-4.

5.    Boring writing style: Their articles are so sleep-inducing that reading them is like torture. Haters can’t seem to express their hate in an articulate way, leading to even more hate by the readers. As I write this incredibly somniferous and boring hater, I am 100% sure that 99% of you would have skipped to the comments already.

6.    Ennui: Haters totally lack joie de vivre and don’t want others to enjoy life either. Just because they themselves clearly don’t.

7.    Anger against trivial things: Haters will hate on you for wearing or not wearing skinny jeans, and watching or not watching some random TV show. No matter what you do, they’ll hate on you for it. Just look, here I am hating on the haters!

8.    Repetitiveness: Hating and repeating yourself seem to go hand in hand. After two or three logical points they start plagiarising themselves.  If you don’t agree, try to read my last four points again.

9.    Vocabulary: Instead of filling their articles with ideas and arguments they fill them with vocabulary. Every time I’m reading them I have to oscillate between the article and a dictionary.

10.   Jealousy: You only end up hating what you’re a little (or more than a little) jealous of. Does this mean that I’m jealous of people who can actually come up with ten things they hate about anything? Possibly.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, March 25th, 2012.

Reader Comments (17)

  • Ali Hasan
    Mar 25, 2012 - 12:35PM

    Insert typical comment here about ET wasting peoples time with meaningless articles and other such travesties

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  • Waiting
    Mar 25, 2012 - 12:46PM

    @Ali Hasan:
    hahahahahahahaha. But seriously, how can ET run this garbage when there are hungry children in Pakistan?

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  • Muhammad Qasim Zia
    Mar 25, 2012 - 1:06PM

    Dude! If people hate you then there is a serious problem, either with your personality or your views. If you are concerned then you should bring changes and correct yourself, and if you give a damn then you don’t need to write an article expressing your hate for the haters. That makes you one of them and no different.

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  • Waiting
    Mar 25, 2012 - 1:12PM

    @Muhammad Qasim Zia:
    And the captain clueless award goes to…

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  • Shariq Najeeb
    Mar 25, 2012 - 1:13PM

    Wasted 3 minutes of life.

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  • Mar 25, 2012 - 1:35PM

    Hahaha makes sense!

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  • Beautiful Soul
    Mar 25, 2012 - 1:48PM

    And All that Gibberish ! Duhhhh

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  • Sama Ahmad
    Mar 25, 2012 - 2:01PM

    I liked the article!!

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  • Ahsan Mansoor
    Mar 25, 2012 - 2:10PM

    ET runs this garbage because its not necessary to fill all the pages with stories and pictures of hungry children in Pakistan. Some people, like myself, like to read total garbage between all the random political BS.

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  • Farhan
    Mar 25, 2012 - 4:18PM

    completely agreed. Hopefully this would be the last article in the hate series

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  • Rahat
    Mar 25, 2012 - 5:42PM

    I actually enjoyed some of the haters. Like the one on Blackberries, Shadis and Simple girls

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  • Mar 25, 2012 - 6:21PM

    @Farhan:
    I hope so as well.

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  • Muhammad Qasim Zia
    Mar 25, 2012 - 6:23PM

    @Waiting:
    Ironical! Welcome to the Haters league!

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  • Fatima
    Mar 27, 2012 - 4:16PM

    I absolutely love the “10 things I hate about….” article!! no one can help it if you don’t have a sense of humor.. no offense!! I really want to read further articles in ET regarding this..

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  • Mar 27, 2012 - 5:38PM

    @fatima:
    Read Point # 10 :) and don’t forget point 4 :)

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  • Sara
    Apr 11, 2012 - 11:02AM

    i liked the article

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  • Mahwish
    May 8, 2012 - 3:16PM

    it was a total waste of time… doesnt make any sense of writing such thing.

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