Why women leave men they love

Published: November 12, 2015
Your wife is not your property and she does not owe you her presence. PHOTO: THE GUARDIAN.

Your wife is not your property and she does not owe you her presence. PHOTO: THE GUARDIAN.

We all know relationships are complex and many issues can cause them to reach breaking point, but there is one very important issue that men usually tend to ignore: They think that if a woman really loves them she won’t leave them.

This is simply not true.

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Women leave the men they love. Even those they have children with. This does not mean women are evil creatures. According to American counsellor and Certified Hakomi Therapist (CHT) Justice Schanfarber, they need immense courage to do this because it hurts them deeply, but they do it mostly because of one reason that may seem trivial to men: the man is not present.

The man may be a great person – honest, truthful, a good father, but in order to be a good husband, he needs to be present and not take his wife for granted. Women feel scared and unhappy when they realize that someone could come and sweep them off their feet and their husbands wouldn’t even notice.

This may make many men angry and they may say, “I’m only absent because I’m working to support my family!” but they need to realize that support isn’t just financial, a family needs emotional support too – especially your wife.

Your wife is not your property and she does not owe you her presence just because you married her. You need to earn it every day. You need to make her feel wanted every day by being present with her. When she talks to you, don’t just hear what she has to say, actually listen to her and respond, sitting there pretending to listen doesn’t count, it’ll only invalidate her feelings.

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Your wife wants you to understand her, be passionate and take interest in her. If you have lost the passion over the years because of your kids and other responsibilities, find a way to rekindle it because it is necessary for a healthy long-term relationship.

For starters, listen closely to what she says. Really look at her when you talk to her. Make eye contact and show her you are genuinely interested. Show her you’re still curious to know her, to know what she thinks about and what fascinates her. Take an interest in her life.

Embrace her with warmth and affection, notice the subtle sensations and emotions, and tell her how she makes you feel. Women love hearing about how you connect with them on a deeper level.

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You may feel you are too busy for this, but know that your wife is the most deserving of your undivided attention – even if it’s for 10 minutes a day. Take out time to be wholly present with your wife every day and really connect with her. Do this and you will benefit in the long run.

Note: This also goes for women who are too busy for their husbands because of work or kids. The gender dynamic is reversible.

This post originally appeared on JusticeSchanfarber.com.

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Reader Comments (13)

  • Aamir
    Nov 12, 2015 - 3:56PM

    interesting and informativeRecommend

  • sheraz
    Nov 12, 2015 - 5:00PM

    Ok. This article seems post-marriage advice for men!Recommend

  • ZXX
    Nov 12, 2015 - 5:58PM

    Women. Always crying and need something more. They cant stay happy ever no matter what you do. Recommend

  • Ahmed
    Nov 12, 2015 - 8:10PM

    Only a woman can write such an article.Recommend

  • Faiza
    Nov 12, 2015 - 9:32PM

    You are right @Ahmed: Recommend

  • Raisani
    Nov 12, 2015 - 10:41PM

    Why women leave men they love? Answer already given by ex-National Bhabi i.e. “kaala jaadu” so no reason seems for this whole article. Recommend

  • Rmq
    Nov 12, 2015 - 11:03PM

    It always works both ways. Husbands alone are not to blame. Somertimes when a wife expects aot more than the husband can provide is when it goes wrong. Recommend

  • Dija
    Nov 13, 2015 - 8:49AM

    This article has depth that only a few can interpret and understand!Recommend

  • Shazia
    Nov 13, 2015 - 11:28AM

    In Pakistan, there are lots of other reasons a woman may have to leave her husband and the most abundant reason is brutal, insensitive and cruel behavior of in-laws !! Recommend

  • Malangi
    Nov 13, 2015 - 12:07PM

    Men are rough and tough by nature, we all need a soft corner where we be what actually we are, Women is that soft corner in our life thats how I think about them, Though I am not married but I think this way.. DEFINITELY SHE NEEDS OUR TIME, IF WE NEED HER,,,!Recommend

  • Manofsteel
    Nov 13, 2015 - 1:49PM

    Yeah Bro 100% right, But One another reason atleast for Pakistani class I know, They never deserve a gentle man the more gentle you are the more trouble you face…Recommend

  • Nasir
    Nov 13, 2015 - 1:57PM


    Sad to say I agree. Listen to us or “someone could come and sweep (us) off (our) feet”. This is emotional blackmail!Recommend

  • Gimme a Break
    Nov 13, 2015 - 5:31PM

    I mean seriously such a woman who is so prone to cheating on her spouse that she fears that “someone might sweep her off her feet” is disturbing and no amount of attention, love or care would suffice for her since, simple absence of a man which is brief and unavoidable is already making her fear her own breeding infidelity. All this while the man owes his absence to work which in turn pays all HER BILLS!!! Twisted logic ? Recommend

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