We all know relationships are complex and many issues can cause them to reach breaking point, but there is one very important issue that men usually tend to ignore: They think that if a woman really loves them she won’t leave them.
This is simply not true.
Women leave the men they love. Even those they have children with. This does not mean women are evil creatures. According to American counsellor and Certified Hakomi Therapist (CHT) Justice Schanfarber, they need immense courage to do this because it hurts them deeply, but they do it mostly because of one reason that may seem trivial to men: the man is not present.
The man may be a great person – honest, truthful, a good father, but in order to be a good husband, he needs to be present and not take his wife for granted. Women feel scared and unhappy when they realize that someone could come and sweep them off their feet and their husbands wouldn’t even notice.
This may make many men angry and they may say, “I’m only absent because I’m working to support my family!” but they need to realize that support isn’t just financial, a family needs emotional support too – especially your wife.
Your wife is not your property and she does not owe you her presence just because you married her. You need to earn it every day. You need to make her feel wanted every day by being present with her. When she talks to you, don’t just hear what she has to say, actually listen to her and respond, sitting there pretending to listen doesn’t count, it’ll only invalidate her feelings.
Your wife wants you to understand her, be passionate and take interest in her. If you have lost the passion over the years because of your kids and other responsibilities, find a way to rekindle it because it is necessary for a healthy long-term relationship.
For starters, listen closely to what she says. Really look at her when you talk to her. Make eye contact and show her you are genuinely interested. Show her you’re still curious to know her, to know what she thinks about and what fascinates her. Take an interest in her life.
Embrace her with warmth and affection, notice the subtle sensations and emotions, and tell her how she makes you feel. Women love hearing about how you connect with them on a deeper level.
You may feel you are too busy for this, but know that your wife is the most deserving of your undivided attention – even if it’s for 10 minutes a day. Take out time to be wholly present with your wife every day and really connect with her. Do this and you will benefit in the long run.
Note: This also goes for women who are too busy for their husbands because of work or kids. The gender dynamic is reversible.
This post originally appeared on JusticeSchanfarber.com.