A common question I am often asked is why I returned from London after my studies? For many, it may seem like a dream place but for me London was nothing but a depressing city. What people fail to realise is that not everyone runs after money and status. While living in London may provide you with a lot of perks, it should be noted that they only come at a very high price. People like me who are family-oriented and love to socialise can only survive there as a student aiming to earn a foreign qualification. However, when it comes to spending your entire life without family and friends, London can be a big nightmare.
Undoubtedly, Pakistan has its share of problems, but it has given me an identity, which I was deprived of in London. From scholarships to white-collar jobs, I always felt discriminated against. Studying law at the London School of Economics and Political Science went in vain as I quickly realised that being a barrister in London meant that I need to meet a certain criterion, mainly that of being a white British citizen. It is no surprise that the majority of UK law firms disguise their lack of diversity in the name of employing British Pakistanis and British Indians.
To add to the misery, I often got questioned both, on not wearing a hijab and choosing to wear a hijab. From eating patterns to dressing styles, everything was judged by others simply because I was a Pakistani. It was only after I returned to my home city, Karachi that I was able to exercise my own free will. I could finally eat with my hands without catching other people’s attention. I was free to wear flat slippers rather than bearing the torture of wearing stilettos at the job. Conversations that once centred on getting a training contract changed to discussing Pakistani dramas and dinner menus. Shopping became much more fun as I no longer converted pounds into rupees.
Most importantly, the peace of mind that my parents had at seeing their daughter in front of their eyes makes living in Pakistan totally worth it. Getting scolded by mom made me happy instead of irritated because unlike in London, here I had someone who cared for me. The over-possessive nature of my brother felt like a blessing, as I was able to rid my mind of the fear of being insecure.
When it comes to making a decision about living abroad or not, it ultimately boils down to what one wants in life. I chose love and happiness instead of living a secluded life and I am proud of the fact that I refused to adhere to society’s expectations.
Published in The Express Tribune, April 6th, 2015.
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