Unhappy people

“The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven…”

(John Milton, Paradise Lost, Book II)

We all want to be happy. Most of our lives are spent in the pursuit of happiness. And yet, most of the time, most of us are not particularly happy. Whether we are driving to work or buying groceries or simply going for a walk in the park, chances are that we are not going to be feeling good about life. And neither are most of the people we are going to come across.

Ever wonder what it is that most often makes people unhappy? I had never thought about happiness from this angle. But when I did, I identified five top reasons why people are unhappy: money, thinking too much about the past, thinking too much about the future, health and misplaced expectations.

In this rat race called life we often act like hamsters on an exercise wheel; constantly running. Poor persons want their basic necessities paid for. Middle class individuals want to be upper class. Millionaires always want to be billionaires. And even billionaires have their problems. In this race to make more and more one loses sleep, family, friends and eventually sanity.

Then come those individuals that choose to live in their past. They are obsessed with their past circumstances, mistakes and choices. The worst of this lot are the people who have lost a loved one. Most times their life becomes a shrine to the person they have lost.

Where some people live only in the past, others live their lives obsessed with their future. It’s great to make plans but what about implementation? If you don’t act in the here and now then what future will you have tomorrow?

Health issues, and especially weight problems, make a lot of people angry and frustrated. Of course, serious illnesses can cause anyone depression. But in many cases, people remain unhappy about relatively trivial issues. Women, in particular, obsess about how they can look like super models and celebrities. Such obsessions are both unhealthy and unrealistic. One can only be so thin and so tall and so attractive. Acceptance is the only thing that makes life seem less of a burden and more of a playground of amazing opportunities.

Finally one last factor that leads to misery is that we expect too much from the people around us, especially our loved ones. There are a few things we MUST accept: Your boss is not your best friend. Your wife or husband is not a mind reader. Your children are not super-human. The solution to this one is fairly simple: keep your expectations realistic. That way, your disappointments will be few and far between.

Please forgive me if I seem like I am trivialising major issues in life. That is really not what I am aiming to do. My point is there are two ways that you can get through unhappiness and pain. You can let it destroy you. Or, you can use it as fuel to drive you, to dream bigger and to work harder.

Published in The Express Tribune, September 1^st, 2014.

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