Your child or niece or nephew breaks a vase that is a reminder of your late aunt. This object meant the world to you and you have told everyone to be careful. Your spouse or parent tells you to stay calm and that it is not a big deal. Your internal monologue runs along these lines: “You don’t know what that kid did! I just want to cry and rave and rant! That kid! I could just S-C-R-E-A-M!”
Your boss refuses to recognise all the effort and extra hours you’ve been putting in at work. He never acknowledges the assignments you’ve slaved on. Your mind screams, “This sucks! I should quit tomorrow. I H-A-T-E this job!”
Recognise any of these situations? In each one of them, something or someone is controlling (or trying to control) what you think or how you feel. Why would you allow yourself to become an emotional hostage to other people and their behaviour?
This past Ramazan I hosted a show on PTV called Rooh-e-Ramazan. My schedule was completely nuts. I worked 30 days straight from 1 pm to 8 pm, with no break in between. I had to stand for hours on end and the air conditioning tended to conk out every few minutes. By the seventh day, I was exhausted and cranky to a point where I had to be reminded to smile for the camera.
My friend Chef Shai was working with me on the Ramazan transmission. Despite spending her time in a hot and stuffy kitchen, she always had a smile on her face and exuded great energy. She never looked irritated or angry.
One day I mustered up the courage to ask her how she did it. Didn’t she feel the heat and the stress? Wasn’t she exhausted?
Her reply was simple but profound. “Oh I feel it,” she said. “But mind over matter, my darling! We signed up for this transmission by choice and we are professionals. So we might as well get through it with a smile on our faces.” Wow! How’s that for food for thought? I did a serious attitude adjustment that very second. No more being moody or cranky, I told myself. And you know what, it worked.
Please understand though that not being at the mercy of your emotions is very different from not feeling anything. Feelings come and go with alarming regularity. This is the reality of our existence and, by the way, perfectly normal. One day your child has received a straight As report card and you’ve gotten a much-deserved promotion. The next minute you receive a phone call saying your car has been stolen or a loved one has died. Up and down we all go, hostages stuck on an emotional roller coaster.
But while you cannot stop yourself from feeling emotions, what you can control is how you react to those emotions. The ‘real’ truth is that you and only YOU decide how you will feel and react in any given situation. So I say, carpe diem! Let’s seize the day and take control of our lives.
Published in The Express Tribune, August 4th, 2014.
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COMMENTS (11)
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I don't agree with Amrita, being actor or actress doesn't mean one can't vent to his/her experiences learnt through tough experience of life. one may pinpoint any subject/issue which one likes once getting adequate knowledge/research/homework (I may be worng). what i learnt is that nature is something that may never be changed but habit may be changed accordingly for instance "to sleep is nature but bedtime may be adjusted as per your choice (Habit), huger is nature but to eat two bread, one or three is habit likewise to be angry, strained or dismay is nature & inescapable feeling but to react either tactfully, calmly or harshly is habit and she means to control habit not nature.
We never grow up we just learn to behave better and polite with age.
Agreed with Ahmed. She is an actor, anchor, and model writing on human psychology. I don't understand why her 'writings' are put in the column section.
@Vikram: An incisive observation. Agree with you.
Great article, and definitely food for thought, given how jazbati we tend to be! Often learnt the hard way, but controlling one's emotions is tougher than one thinks..nevertheless, first step is to be aware of the fact that we CAN control our emotions. However, in due course and in due measure - else life turns out to be very robotic.
If you go through the chapter of 'Emotions' in the course of psychology 101,you will learn about many case studies(epinephrine tests), in which the Emotions have been largely controlled by the External environmental forces. so,our emotions are largely swayed by the ambience or atmosphere we are surrounded by. my point is,had juggan been with some aggressive host,she would have surely ended up in quitting the show.
I agreed somewhat that we can control our emotions but it is impossible that people, behaviors and situations do not leave their impact on our emotions. I heard about that emotions can be controlled but never tried, now, i will practice to control to prove it for myself.
Excellent piece . Why should any one be allowed to control/ influence your emotions /feelings?
This was probably better suited for a Facebook post rather than an article.. Just saying!
Don't think the point this author was trying to make required an entire published article! a Facebook post at best... Just saying!
OP: In each one of them, something or someone is controlling (or trying to control) what you think or how you feel
Only you can control your thinking and feelings. Internal monologue runs differently for different people. You gave an example of Chef Shai. He/She helped you change your thinking, his/her internal monologue was different from yours.
I can totally relate to this column, because my temper and whining has cost me more than I ever earned or deserved.