Zubaida apa's snow: Ab Kala Rahaiga Pakistan

Let’s end the reign of Fair and Lovely and start the era of ‘brown and hairy’.

Ali Gul Pir May 13, 2014
If our six-point agenda is not enforced, we will have an unfair men march against the societies unfairness. PHOTO: FILE


Ab Kala Rahaiga Pakistan! Yes, this is my official announcement in which I announce that I will campaign against the Gora Movement headed by Zubaida apa and co. Our agenda is simple, we want to be proud of our kala skin colour and as well as support the Kala Bagh dam, because it sounds like something we should support. Our movement will include artistes like Younis Jani and Shariq Roomi.

If Vital Signs can correct their mistake of Gorai Rung Ka Zamana by coming up with Sanwali Saloni, so can you! We are giving you an ultimatum, if the Gora Movement does not stop by the next Black Friday, we will shut down the entire country. No brown or dark-skinned person will go to work and this country will break down as we all know that our people are in majority. We have a six-point agenda that needs to be adopted by the state, they are:

1.  Stop the Ab Gora Hoga Pakistan campaign on all mediums of mass communication.

2.  No newspaper should be allowed to publish matrimonial commercials with the words ‘fair, white-skinned, single ready to mingle’.

3.  Every fair-skinned person will pay tax for being gora, we will call it the Dil Jala Tax.

4.  Gora Kabristan must be renamed Subka Kabristan.

5.  No mother should be allowed to say, “Dhoop mai mat khelo, kalay hojao gai” to her children.

6.  Aamina Shiekh must be made President.

Years of persecution have taken its toll and now we will fight for our right and respect. Why must all the fair-skinned people get the beautiful women (vice versa)? Why is Ali Zafar doing films in Bollywood and not our local John Rambo? Why was Arbab Ghulam Rahim ousted from politics? Why isn’t Nandita Das doing an item number?

Only two industries are clear of such discriminations: the Pakistan fashion industry because you don’t need to be fair-skinned to be blonde and the coal industry, because once you are in the mine we are all the same.

So my fellow kaloos and kaliaas, get up before it’s too late and let’s end the reign of Fair and Lovely and start the era of Brown and Hairy. If our six-point agenda is not enforced we will have an unfair men march against the societies unfairness — D-Chowk here we come!

How it all began

Zubaida Tariq commonly referred to as Zubaida apa, is one of the most prominent cultural personalities of Pakistan. Starting her career as a cooking expert at the age of 50, she has gained immense popularity on account of her knowledge and experience in home remedies. She is well-known for her personal culinary style and for her real love of traditional food. Her expertise in giving kitchen and household advice is significantly influential upon the Pakistani locality. However, her advertisement on Zubaida aapa Whitening Soap has triggered great response considering the skin colour bias it forecasts. While some view this commercial as accommodating, others see it as a step towards discrimination.

Published in The Express Tribune, May 14th, 2014.

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fahad | 8 years ago | Reply

Man this article is so funny and impressive. Hats off to Ali Gul Pir for such entertainment. Truly a great medium to get you refreshed

Kaali Mai | 8 years ago | Reply

@Kukkar: yes he is

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