Looking trauma in the eye

From getting robbed to the distress that follows, the road to recovery may be bumpy but is not unattainable.

Being robbed at gunpoint can be extremely upsetting and what is even more distressing is when one is robbed at home — the safe haven for most people.

“I was fast asleep and suddenly woken up by a violent jerk. That’s when I saw the masked men with guns standing by my bedside. I let out a scream,” said a victim. “They threatened to harm my family and me if I made any more noise. I just could not believe that this was happening for real.”

What families find difficult to cope with are the probable after-effects of undergoing a sudden and traumatic incident, including the fear that the perpetrator may return and be physically violent. It is important to understand that feeling helpless, scared, anxious and angry are all natural responses to trauma. The more aware you are of what the inevitable reaction to trauma is, the more effectively you and your children will be able to deal with it.

Common responses to trauma associated with a robbery

Reliving the trauma

•  Dreams and nightmares about the incident

•  Flashbacks

•  Reminder of the robbery/robbers through the smell, sight and voice of others

•  Constant fear that the event will recur

•  Anxiety

•  Anger

•  Thinking about how you could have reacted differently

Physical reaction

•  Difficulty in breathing

•  Difficulty in falling asleep and/or waking up in the middle of the night

•  Dryness of mouth

•  Racing heartbeat

•  Headaches and body aches

•  Getting startled by sounds and sights

Avoiding the trauma

•  Avoiding any discussion about the robbery

•  Forgetting parts of the incident

•  Not being able to enter places in the house that are reminders of the robbery

•  Feeling physically and emotionally numb

•  Develop feelings of disbelief and disconnection with the experience

Not everyone deals with trauma in similar ways. People may respond differently to the incident depending on the nature and severity. The type of harm (personal or sexual) caused during the burglary, stressors that you were experiencing prior to the event and your personal way of coping with stress could greatly affect your reaction and ability to cope.

Learning to let go

The good news is that you can completely recover from such a trauma and move on. The first step is to educate yourself about possible symptoms. Not only will it help you feel normal but will also allow you to accept them as expected reactions. Talking about the incident with family and friends allows you to vent your feelings. Not talking about what you are feeling or thinking that the less you voice it, the better you will feel, are not healthy ways of coping. It is not a sign of weakness to talk about how the incident has affected you. The next step should be resuming your routine and bringing back a sense of normalcy to your life. Adhering to a routine allows you to regain control and helps you overcome the helplessness of experiencing a sudden and uncontrollable event such as a robbery. Lastly, indulging in activities that you find fulfilling and relaxing is always a great idea. They majorly help in easing the stress and also provide a pleasant distraction.

Many of the symptoms settle with time. While the duration of these symptoms may vary according to severity of the trauma, they usually settle within one to two months. However, if you feel that the symptoms are becoming more severe with time and difficult to cope with, seeking professional help would be beneficial.

It is not uncommon for robberies to be accompanied with acts of rape and sexual harassment. Many survivors and families feel hesitant sharing details about them. It is critical for victims to acknowledge that they are not at fault and that they could not have prevented the event from occurring. In such cases, seeking professional help is crucial for the emotional well-being of the victim.

Helping children cope

Adults and children experience similar emotions. However, the fear and helplessness that children feel becomes pronounced when they see the elders, who they turn to for comfort, in distress. How children cope with situations also depends on their age. Another victim shared, “My children were terrified. The burglars did not say anything to them but the fact that they had guns pointed towards us was enough to frighten them. They were pleading with them to go away. My daughter got so upset that she started to throw up.”

Children often fear that the incident will happen again or that something will happen to their parents. They may also blame themselves and might feel obligated to protect their parents and hence, may pretend to be unaffected by the incident.

To help children recover from the incident, you should encourage them to share their thoughts, fears and feelings about the incident. Reassure them that their feelings are normal and allow them to ask questions about the incident. Although this must be age-appropriate, keeping them in the loop for the security measures being taken to prevent such occurrences in future could be helpful. Letting children know that you will cope together as a family can be reassuring for them. The more resilient the parents are, the quicker the children will be able to move on. Restoring their routine or helping them identify ways to regain emotional strength, such as sleeping with a favourite toy or writing about their feelings in a diary can also be helpful.

If the symptoms persist, worsen with time or if you are having difficulty coping, don’t shy away from seeking professional help. Face your fears and always remember that you have the ability to overcome them if you set your mind to it.

Zehra Kamal is a practising clinical psychologist who has been working on trauma and violence-related issues since the last thirteen years. She can be reached at [e-mail]

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, December 1^st, 2013.