A new date for April fool’s day

Quite a few people in Karachi feel that the chap who thought of the droll April Fool's message certainly has a point.

I did wonder when that cryptic email, followed by an SMS, would land in my part of the beleaguered city. You know the one which reads, “This year, April Fool’s Day will not be observed on April 1, but on May 11.” Gross or cool, you might say, if you belong to the tribe that was educated in the US. The fact, however, is that quite a few people in Karachi feel that the chap who thought of the droll message certainly has a point. Mind you, the election commissioner is doing his very best; the electoral machinery has been well-oiled and is displaying a comfortable no-nonsense enthusiasm. And along with the Supreme Court, is doing a hatchet job of the blokes with the fake degrees. And so, they should, especially when they had no business being in the assemblies in the first place. I did wonder, however, if the head honchos in the election commission had seen that particular email and if the quip had induced them to add the no-vote option in the form. Personally, I don’t see why a voter has to select a candidate if the list contains a bunch of yahoos.

But for all their inquisitorial proficiency, I do believe, as Raza Rumi pointed out in his report published in The Express Tribune on April 4 entitled “Zia’s unfinished business”, that the election commission is being pressurised by the religious right to strictly enforce Articles 62 and 63 of the Constitution and to chuck out anybody who does not strictly follow the strictures contained therein. Clause (d) seems quite straightforward. Nobody in his right mind in this country would want to willfully violate Islamic injunctions. Not even the Christians, who are, from time to time, framed on fake blasphemy charges. But how in blazes can one prove that a candidate is honest? Clause (e) is the one that stipulates that the candidate should have adequate knowledge of Islamic teachings and should practice obligatory duties prescribed by Islam, as well as abstain from major sins. Now, what on earth is a major sin? Committing murder? Committing treason? Stealing a widow’s property? Committing rape? Is wife-beating and throwing acid on women a minor sin?

A month ago, I hadn’t met anybody who was actually looking forward to the national elections. Today, most people I speak to, especially the youth with voting rights are solidly behind Imran Khan. They admire his steely resolve and brush away all the innuendos that have been hurled against him by his opponents. But, the real issue is, will the government that is finally formed be able to cleanse the Augean stable? This would be rather like hauling a grand piano up a spiral staircase. Will the new government be able to restore the rule of law, change the mindset of the people and bring back the spirit of tolerance preached by the founder of this nation? Will it be able to stand up to the international bully and stop the financing of local militants that are reputedly being paid by certain Arabs to wipe out some of the minorities? Will it hang the fanatic who assassinated, on national television, the governor of Punjab, and who was subsequently garlanded by 300 zealous lawyers who, I believed, somewhat naively were supposed to uphold the law? Will it be able to rein in the militants and hitmen of the various political parties? And will it stop the ridiculous employment of police to guard parliamentarians, so that they can get on with the job for which they were initially hired?

Published in The Express Tribune, April 7^th, 2013.