Make life happen: Dealing with trauma

Tips on how to cope with difficult experiences in life.

LONDON:

Have you ever heard the expression, “Good things happen to good people”? Unfortunately, I’m sure we all know that this isn’t always true; bad things happen to good people too.

We can often make sense of events such as death, disease and natural disasters but what about when someone uses their free will to harm us or someone we love? The current environment has made such trauma a reality for many. Any type of assault, physical or otherwise, is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

We are all unique individuals and deal with things in our own way, but we may need a little help to get started. So, here are a few tips to help you get through those first difficult moments.

Take a breath

Our first response when someone does something drastic to us is shock, which is then followed by anger. We want to hurt the person who hurt us. Responding in anger can lead you to regret what you did. You should cool off and then decide if it’s really worth it.

Get help immediately

You may have lots of friends and family to talk to, but they may not have the skills to help you get through it. This is a crises and it needs someone who can be objective and listen to you without wanting to fix things. This need not be a long term thing, but a trauma counsellor, coach or healer can help you through those first few critical weeks.

Be selective

You may have the urge to share your troubles with all your friends and family but be sure to be selective. You may be feeling vulnerable at this time and everyone may not provide you with the understanding or empathy you need; this can leave you feeling even more hurt. Share your feelings with those who will listen without judgement and may even let you cry it out.

Feel the feelings

Please do not expect yourself to get over this immediately. The body has its own speed of releasing emotions after a trauma. Feel the waves of emotions that come up. Ask those around you to just be supportive. Ask them to allow you to grieve. Feeling things through is the quickest way of healing them. If you bury them, they are sure to come up later in the form of a disease. Your emotions will take time to release and your body will take time to heal. Give yourself the room to be; take one day at a time.

Eat well

Your body is going to be releasing toxins into the system as situations such as these encourage the fight/flight response in the body. This is the time to take vitamin C and Vitamin B5 to support your adrenals. Also, add in lots of vegetables and well-cooked warm, nurturing meals.

Pamper yourself

Nurturing yourself in times of stress goes a long way. Take warm baths as they are a wonderful way to release toxins. Now may be the time to take a short break away as it can help you recharge your batteries and get some perspective.

Get closure

Closure is an important aspect of letting things go. Take a few days and let your emotions settle and then find a way to put the event behind you. One way is to write a letter expressing all that you need to say and then tearing it up. People find this process cathartic. Keep writing and letting go as the need arises.

Clarify your intentions

Difficult circumstances present us with an opportunity for growth. This is an invitation to think about what kind of a person you would like to be. What are you taking away from this experience? How are you going to use it to develop even more strength and compassion in your life?

We all do the best we can in any given moment of time. These tips are presented to you in the hope that they will give you a starting point when you are dealing with tremendous pain and stress. I hope that you will find the peace and solace you need. Turn to prayer and the comfort of loved ones and indeed, you will turn the situation around.

Sayeda Habib is a life coach who empowers her clients to create a fulfilling, happier life. To find out more on coaching, or to work with Sayeda, log on to www.makelifehappen.com or email [e-mail]

Published in The Express Tribune, February 17^th, 2013.

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