A suitable boy: Love-hate relationships, family and the ‘rishta’ business

Students and upcoming writers gather at the launch of ‘How It Happened’.

KARACHI: Unfortunately in Pakistan, unlike in the popular television serial ‘How I Met Your Mother’, the journey to marital bliss is not paved with steamy encounters. It is punctuated, instead, by a steady stream of stringent inspections by the Aunty brigade.

It was after one such an experience that Shazaf Fatima Haider began writing her book, ‘How It Happened’, which explores the conflicting perspectives on marriage and love as espoused by  different Pakistani generations.

Many of her students and upcoming writers gathered on Sunday at The Lyceum school, where the book was launched. “My own relatives were a fountain of inspiration,” said Haider to the audience. She shared one particular incident which she felt encapsulated the pain a woman goes through when being considered as a potential daughter-in-law. “I started writing [this book] in a state of extreme anger after having been thoroughly inspected by a very rude aunty who looked me up and down over her glasses.”



She stressed that the book was equally relevant for men because they suffer just as much in the process. “I felt sorry for the many men who would be sitting awkwardly when they came to see me,” she said.

Writer Musharraf Ali Farooqi, who moderated the event, pointed out that the book also explores the meaning of family. “We hate them [families], but we also love them,” he said. “This book tries to capture that reality. It tries to show families in all their contradictions. It is a tribute to all the khalus and chachis who make life miserable for us.”

Haider, who also teaches language at The Lyceum, explained that her teaching experience added to her writing abilities. “I tell my students to write about the ordinary happenings of life from their own unique perspective,” she said. Playwright Haseena Moin, who attended the launch, said that Haider has created, “paths of love” through her book. “The children today need to be taught how to fall in love with their country, their values, and this book does that.”

Published in The Express Tribune, January 21^st, 2013.

Correction: An earlier version of the article incorrectly stated that Haider teaches literature at The Lyceum. The error has been rectified.