4 things Pakistani women judge each other on

Like it or not, passing judgement on other women  comes very naturally to all of us. And while we may hate to be judged ourselves, here are some things we love judging other women on:

1. Natural birth or C-section

When it comes to giving birth, no one really cares if you kept a living log inside your stomach for nine months. What really matters is how you gave birth. And when you are wheeled out from the operation theatre and confronted by a million aunties, the first thing that they ask is: “Was it natural, beta?” If you dare answer, “C-section”, you are not a warrior like them! Not strong or womanly enough. Don’t try to explain that there were complications or there was NO WAY a natural birth could take place, hush, shut up, no, uh uh, the judgement has been passed and no one will take it back.

2. Breast feeding 

Another aunty favourite question is, “Beta, has he latched?” You’ll confuse latching with hatching and say with a smile, “Jee aunty, the baby hatched a few weeks back.” She’ll say, “Arey naheen, naheen, I mean, are you ‘braast’-feeding?” For a minute, you’ll be stunned at the intrusiveness of the question: how can she can ask you about that over tea and biscuits? And if your answer happens to be, “No, I’m not ‘braast’-feeding”, the judgment will come swift and severe.

3. Working or not working

No matter which boat you’re in, there’s always going to be someone who passes severe judgment on you. Tell a gharelo aunty that you earn as much as your husband does and she’ll say, “Beta, jo bhee ho, larki ki asal zimmedari ghar mein hoti hay.” You take a break and tell your friend who spends every waking hour serving the multinational she works for and she’ll say, “You’re wasting the best years of your career taking care of a husband who may leave you and a child who will grow up and forget about you. I can’t believe you’re not making use of the expensive education and talents you have. Get a job girlfriend!” Awkward silence.

But wasn’t the whole point of feminism to give women choices? The choice to work as well as the choice to not work?

4. Dressing up or dressing down

If you love fashion and enjoy dressing up for work, lunches and parties, brace for a lot of judgement by women who think simplicity is key. “Who on earth is she dressing up for?” or “She’s so insecure, she can’t come in without five layers of make-up!” And if you happen to be one of those girls who look fantabulous in your pajamas and don’t need any rituals to look good, we’re judging you too: “Who does she think she is to walk in just like that?”

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, November 11^th, 2012.

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