Review: Lincoln as vampire hunter an abe-omination

Lincoln slices and dices vampire creatures in kitschy action sequences that lose novelty halfway through the film.

By the time Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter came to an end, I was ready to take an axe to my own head. In this fantasy/horror mashup, Abraham Lincoln slinging his axe like a gunslinger, slices and dices vampire creatures in kitschy action sequences that lose their novelty halfway through the film. This is partially because the fight scenes  go from slick to absolutely gaudy, with non-stop slow-motion effects that are piled on till they become intolerable. It is also because the film’s visual stylisation is strangely cartoony, diluting any horror the film tries to establish. Worse still are the afterthought 3D effects, which add to the overproduced feel of the film.

But the largest flaw in this bleak and humourless picture is how seriously it takes its own premise. This on some level is to be admired, but here it clearly doesn’t work for the film. Perhaps director Timur Bekmambetov wasn’t watching Robert Downing Jr.’s character in Tropic Thunder (2008), when he sincerely advised, ‘Never go full retard.’ The film very solemnly expects us to believe that Abraham Lincoln was actually a vampire hunter, and that his entire presidency, including motivation and policies, were dictated by his desire to avenge his mother’s murder.

But the silliness doesn’t end there. In what is quite insensitive to the actual American civil war that lead to the abolishment of slavery, the film explains that it was all, including the actual practice of owning slaves, influenced by the underground vampire community in some manner. Even the death of Lincoln’s own child is explained to be an act of revenge by the vampires. The ridiculous narrative would have worked had the film presented it with a wink and a nudge, which it regrettably did not.

There are some decent performances on display however. Benjamin Walker is fairly convincing as Abraham Lincoln, a big hearted and well-meaning individual, who went from a modest background to becoming a nation’s leader. Meanwhile, the makeup to transform him into the older looking iconic president in the later stages of the film is quite phenomenal.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was produced by Tim Burton, who at one point was known for great moody films, but seems to have lost his edge somewhere along the way. This film is as dead as the soulless vampires it portrays.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, July 8^th, 2012.