10 things I hate about getting mugged

Published: December 11, 2011
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The stunned reflexes. As soon as someone taps your car window with a gun, it seems time stands still.

The stunned reflexes. As soon as someone taps your car window with a gun, it seems time stands still.

1.   The stunned reflexes. As soon as someone taps your car window with a gun, it seems time stands still, everything moves in slow motion and all your body parts give up their ability to move.

2.   The screaming and obscenities from the robbers. Hey, you already have your gun barrel sticking in my ear, you don’t need to scream and call me names too!

3.    The ID card loss. Yes, take my wallet! Sure, take my watch too. My Blackberry? With pleasure, I wanted an Android anyway! But please, for God’s sake, leave the ID card alone. You and I both know I’ll have to turn into a eunuch to force NADRA to reissue me another ID card.

4.    The loss of phone contacts, emails and texts. Picture this, you’ve just been robbed, you want to call for help … but oh wait, your phone’s gone! You stop people, asking for a phone to make a call, and then you can’t remember anyone’s number because you relied fully on your stupid phone contacts list.

5.    Everyone’s let-it-be syndrome. There are hundreds of people around you while you are being robbed. They see what is happening, but no one decides to do anything. I’m not asking you to be Nicolas Cage and pin down the robbers. But at least, HONK, SCREAM or call the police!

6.    How everyone in Karachi will top your being robbed story. I thought being robbed was one of the most life-changing, shocking experiences of my life. Until, I came back and told people. It seems that the average Karachiitte has been under gunpoint on an average of three times in their life. It’s part and parcel of the Karachi experience.

7.    The invasion of privacy. With your credit cards and ID gone, the robbers know your name and address. They can even see all your embarrassing photos and read all the texts on your phone.

8.    The paranoia that follows. You’re shaky and shocked for days, thinking how easy it would be for them to plan another attack now that they have all your information. There’s a knock on your door, you think it’s the robbers. Someone calls your backup Nokia 3100 phone, you’re sure it’s them. Someone rings your doorbell, your entire family decides to hide in the bathroom.

9.    Match the gang to the area. You sobbingly tell someone you were robbed. They ask wide-eyed where exactly you were robbed. You tell them the exact place, hoping they’ll do something about it. But all you hear is, “Oh acha, woh tau XXX (insert hated ethnicity) gang ka area hay, tum kyun wahan gayen?” Yes, it really is my fault that I was robbed!

10.    The helplessness. Like most things in Pakistan, we’re forced to accept it as part of living here. All we can do is avoid those areas and slowly and gradually mark them on our mental maps as places not to visit, even on a whim. With the rate I’ve been marking places in Karachi, pretty soon, the only place I’ll be left to venture in is my own garden.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, December 11th, 2011.

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Reader Comments (19)

  • Sadia
    Dec 11, 2011 - 12:43PM

    A good read but the Title suggests that there are things that people love about being mugged

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  • T.P
    Dec 11, 2011 - 1:04PM

    So true!!! I so agree with point 5. My friend got mugged and he said that while he was handing over his wallet and mobile, he actually saw a car go with with the kids who were pressing their face up against the car windows to get a better look! That was just insane!

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  • Fahim
    Dec 11, 2011 - 1:14PM

    There are other smooth criminals who rob you while you sit home and go about your daily life.now this is what i call leadership….. a politician is person if he tells you to go to hell you will look forward to the trip.

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  • Rizvi
    Dec 11, 2011 - 1:47PM

    Pointless article. There is nothing to like about mugging. Even the mugger knows its wrong.
    Im here in Glasgow, Scotland. Lots of mugging here, and moreover its done by teenagers with knives. They are known commonly as NEDs ( Non-Educated Delinquents )

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  • Muhammad
    Dec 11, 2011 - 2:02PM

    First dont buy expensive phone and if you do make sure the location tracking feature (Comes in most smart phone these days) is switched to on…until they switch off phone u have better chance of tracking :) later if you decide to do revenge could be helpful.

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  • Sohaib
    Dec 11, 2011 - 2:02PM

    Point number three is the most alarming.ID card and Driving license are hard to get.One have to Submit FIR in police station Other wise the misuse of ID card can lead to …

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  • Ali Hasan
    Dec 11, 2011 - 2:03PM

    Hilarious! Also, as always the majority of ET readers fail to understand the purpose of these posts and keep looking for meaning.

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  • D.K
    Dec 11, 2011 - 3:12PM

    Thank God.. That doesn’t happen in Lahore… I mean it does…but not often…. no one will rob you in public..

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  • NaiveCitizen
    Dec 11, 2011 - 5:05PM

    I know its probably meant as satire, but it so sad as it tells in what kind of place my fatherland has turned, that it inspires such articles. Instead to lament the very act of mugging, the author comes up with things that bother her about it.I on my part would start with hating the fact that someone is holding a gun at my ear.

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  • Never been robbed, carry 2 blade and iron fists with me everywhere. Also known as being prepared :)

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  • AAQ
    Dec 11, 2011 - 5:39PM

    dude u missed the extreme anger as u see the mugger get away, that intense desire to kill that SOAB..or is it only me

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  • Oz
    Dec 11, 2011 - 5:57PM

    @Rizvi:
    Do they have humour in glasgow?

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  • shobz
    Dec 11, 2011 - 6:02PM

    I know how it feels like. I was mugged earlier this year and the guy took my phones, laptop and everything I had on me. I was so traumatized that I could not sleep properly for a week. It is truly a horrible experience.

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  • Amna
    Dec 11, 2011 - 9:57PM

    Nice article…I’m really sorry to hear yo were robbed!

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  • Po
    Dec 11, 2011 - 10:54PM

    LOL at the guy who carries two knives, is your real name DWIGHT SHRUTE??

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  • Rizvi
    Dec 12, 2011 - 12:33AM

    @Oz:
    They are actually quite funny, you can take them one on one quite easily even if they have a knife, but they always hunt in gangs of 3-5 teenagers. They are usually drunk and really angry, so no use arguing with them. Scottish accent is already quite funny and NEDs have a terrible voice, they speak from their noses, which makes it annoying and funny.

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  • asif
    Dec 12, 2011 - 1:47AM

    @Po, You had me ROFL – He probably parts his hair in middle too.

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  • Dec 12, 2011 - 3:39AM

    I would like to meet anyone who LOVES getting mugged.Recommend

  • B Zia
    Dec 13, 2011 - 10:06PM

    True Story…My friend got mugged (sort of) at gun point by three men riding a motorcycle. All he had was half a pack of Gold Leaf and no money on him. They took the gold leaf packet, turned around, threw the packet back at him and said “kangley yeh bhee rakh ley”, and left.

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