Shahnawaz Zaidi on two marriages, personal growth and learning to let go

Actor reflects on mistakes of his first marriage, changes that helped make his second a happier one

After nearly five decades of marriage across two relationships, actor and artist Shahnawaz Zaidi has opened up about what went wrong in his first marriage and the changes he made to build a happier second one.

In a recent conversation, he reflected on marrying for the first time at 24, describing the decision as an impulsive one shaped more by emotion than careful consideration. He said he was in a rush “because of a poetic temperament”.

Zaidi and his first wife came from different backgrounds and their relationship initially faced resistance from her family. His own family, however, stood by the couple. The marriage lasted 37 years, much of which was shaped by his wife's illness. She lived with diabetes, and Zaidi recalled that “almost all the time was spent in the hospital to stabilise her sugar”.

During that period, he turned to acting as a way of coping with the emotional strain. “I started participating in stage plays as an actor to cope,” he said.

After his wife's death, Zaidi said he became emotionally withdrawn. It was eventually a colleague who encouraged him to consider companionship again, telling him that “children, no matter how obedient, cannot fulfil the void that a wife or companion does”.

That advice stayed with him. About 10 years ago, Zaidi remarried Shariya, who is from Iran. He describes the relationship as a genuinely happy marriage, but says much of that happiness came from recognising and changing his own behaviour.

Looking back on his first marriage, Zaidi acknowledged that he rarely helped with household chores and that he had tried to exert too much control over his wife's individuality. “In my second marriage,” he said, “I consciously tried to do the opposite, giving Shariya space and stepping back from that need for control.”

For Zaidi, ego is one of the biggest threats to a relationship. He said when ego “becomes excessive”, it “starts creating many problems, not only in marriage but in every aspect”. He stressed that the issue is not specific to either men or women.

He also shared an anecdote about a couple he knew in Nairobi to illustrate how kindness can help ease tensions with in-laws. Rather than approaching such relationships as a confrontation, he suggested choosing patience and affection. “With love, everyone can be won over. Arguing or debating does not solve these things,” he said.

Alongside his stage work, Zaidi has appeared on screen in projects including Verna, Shandur, Case No 9 and 22 Qadam.