Mira Sethi reflects on lessons she learned from her divorce

Actor and writer opens up on responsibility, instinct, and moulding oneself to please others

Actor and writer Mira Sethi, on a podcast, reflected on the end of her marriage, discussing where responsibility lies. She also opened up about the two lessons she was left with.

Mira described entering the marriage as an adult full of "idealism" and was firm that the choice was entirely hers. "It was completely my own decision, based on idealism and affection. I have no one to blame but myself," she said.

The actor also addressed the weight that divorced women in Pakistan often carry in the public eye, including the assumption that she had failed to "adjust." Rather than internalising such judgement, Mira says she's learned to tune it out.

"I had no societal pressure to get married. People often have objections when a woman doesn't adjust. They say, 'The girl cannot adjust,'" she said, adding that she avoided googling herself or dwelling on public opinion altogether.

When asked what she had walked away with, Mira shared that she had two takeaways that she considered foundational. The first, she said, was to not override your instincts. Mira explained that women in particular tend to talk themselves out of what their gut may already be telling them, regarding a relationship or otherwise.

The second, according to the actor, was to stop moulding yourself to please others. "Don't mould for anyone, whether it's a man, a boyfriend, a husband, or a boss," she said, adding, "People really like it when you mould for them, but it's not a good thing."

 

 

 

 

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Rather than seeing the end of her marriage as a failure, Mira reframed it as something that left her, in her words, more mature and more herself. "I had fun, I grew a lot, and I became more mature," she said. "It's good that I can say this now because it's been years since my divorce, and I've moved on," she added.

Meanwhile, discussing her childhood, Mira described herself as a "daydreamer" and revealed that real emotional closeness with her parents had only developed in the last five years. Moving back into her family home and having honest conversations with her parents, she said, had brought an unexpected kind of healing.

Mira's memoir-adjacent book, Are You Enjoying?, came up as a natural extension in the conversation. "I always sought comfort in stories because stories have a beginning, a middle, and an end," she said, explaining that the narrative structure was something that her real life didn't always offer her.

Writing about loneliness, the actor said, turned out to be one of the more effective ways of working through it. "The nice thing about being a writer is that you can write books about being lost and then you are less lost," she noted.

 

 

 

 

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Mira extended that same logic to how she thought about creative risk-taking in general, resisting the urge to overthink or self-censor mid-process. "The castle gets built much later, but when you are shovelling sand, then just shovel the sand. Don't second-guess yourself," she said.

Regarding her acting career, Mira talked about playing a Punjabi character opposite Mooroo in Do Numbri, dubbing herself a comedic actor.

The conversation concluded with Mira offering a summary of everything she'd said about her marriage, divorce, and the years since. "Nobody is coming to rescue you, and you are entirely responsible for your choices, your mistakes, your successes," she said. "It's all on you, baby."