'Unrealistic expectations cause marital strife'

Psychologist says love marriages face more conflicts due to assumed understanding

ISLAMABAD:

While conflicts are a natural part of marriage, most marital troubles arise from unrealistic expectations and poor communication, says psychologist and Psych Infinity CEO, Kiran Aamir.

Speaking to the media, she said love marriages often see more conflicts as partners assume they already have perfect compatibility and understanding and such partners expect perfection without discussing their expectations.

She highlighted dissatisfaction — whether with oneself, a partner, or the relationship—as an early red flag. Behavioural changes such as prolonged silence, frequent arguments, excessive complaints, or difficulty expressing emotions indicate underlying issues, she added.

Not all conflicts are bad, Kiran said, adding, "If minor clashes bring partners closer, they're healthy but if they create distance, it's time to address the issues." The psychologist explained the evolution of marriage over time saying that marriage has shifted from an economic arrangement to a romantic partnership. "With more women becoming financially independent, marriage now revolves around companionship, intimacy and mutual support during tough times."

Kiran stressed that mediation in relationships should only happen with mutual consent and couples should consult someone who is objective and understands their lifestyle. When it comes to professional counselling, she clarified that psychologists don't make decisions for their clients instead, they help couples explore conflicts from new perspectives and empathise with each other.

"Most people seek help because they want to stay together but can't resolve their issues alone," she said, and warned that therapy can't fix problems if one partner completely lacks the will to work on the relationship.

In cases of deep-rooted issues like ideological differences, personality disorders, abuse, or cheating, Kiran suggested that dissolving the marriage might be the best option. "If the issues can't be forgiven and are affecting your peace, it's better to part ways", she suggested.

Staying together just for the sake of children, she said, often leads to toxic relationships that negatively impact the children. The expert said that while ending a marriage is painful, it is necessary when growth stops, peace is lost and hurt becomes a routine.