Finding joy in work and the work in joy

Instead of finding joy in work, we often find the work in joy. Are we running after results or trying to enjoy the journey? That’s a tension point that runs through the thread of most of our lives in this hyper-capitalist age. And while there are no wrong answers, the noise around us makes it harder to discover the right answer for ourselves.

I think working is good but hustling is bad, at least for me and my mental health. I wasn’t born type A — I was actually a mediocre student but at some point during my O levels, I became a type A personality and student. Why did I become a type A student? Because I had a new best friend and he was the class topper. And I wanted to top him. I did end up getting the best O levels results in my class — even my parents were shocked. And that started my tryst with being type A.

In university, I ran for and won student council elections, started my own magazine and landed one of the best first jobs in the country. I kept hustling. Didn’t settle. I was enjoying most of the process and external validation, minus the pressure I put on myself. Hustling became second nature, until about a year after I moved to Geneva. The new work environment outside of Pakistan — where I could thrive — without working my absolute hardest, allowed me to take things easy. And my type A personality faded to the background. My ambition also dulled. Or put differently, I started enjoying life. And worked to live versus lived to work. It was kind of nice actually.

The desire to hustle still comes to me in waves but I’ve mostly resisted it for years. It’s particularly pronounced when I’m at a high point or low point in my life — basically, when my motivation is the highest. But then it recedes as I come back to my normal state. That’s because ironically, I’ve worked hard to build a normal state where I’m happy without hustling. I play tennis thrice a week, do gratitude exercises every morning, don’t overeat with intention but also let myself eat whatever I want, go to the park every evening with my daughter and have fulfilling weekends with the love of my life. All that said, my greatest source of achievement and fear of failure is still professional. And so the hustle bug refuses to go away.

This results in bizarre situations where I’m content but unhappy. And so to chase happiness I start hustling. And then I lose my contentment in the process but I’m still unhappy, despite the hustle. I’ve been through this cycle enough times now to realise what I really need to do is hustle differently or re-define what hustle means to me. Hustle for me is a state of anxiety where I put work before everything. I’m not necessarily more productive or effective but I’m in a state of movement. I’m now coming to the conclusion that I need to learn how to both work hard and smart, without entering into the hustle trance of anxiety.

This is hard because somewhere at the back of my mind I’ve linked hustling with achievement. That I cannot achieve anything in life unless I hustle. The truth is that I can achieve whatever I want without hustling too — it’ll just take longer. But why does time really matter, if I want to enjoy my journey and life, instead of simply paying lip service to the idea that I want to enjoy the journey?

Growing up professionally in Pakistan, the jugaroo culture weaves into our work ethic and so how well we play the game becomes a really important part of our self-worth. But the truth is professional outcomes are less linked to how well we play the game versus which game we choose to play. If we choose to play the game of life versus the game of work, we can design a life where we can achieve our highest goals, without having to enter a state of constant anxious hustle.

Published in The Express Tribune, January 21^th, 2024.

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