On being an award winning impostor

Throughout my life, impostor syndrome swung like a pendulum between being my best friend and my worst frenemy. Impostor syndrome fuels my desire to hustle and holds me back from reaching my full potential. Basically, people who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think — and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.

This week, I found out that I won the prestigious LUMS Vice Chancellor Alumni award, which recognises outstanding alumni for their exemplary accomplishments and has only been given to a select few individuals over the years. I felt that impostor syndrome racing through my blood this week until I read this reference from a classmate who nominated me:

“In 2014, I saw Lakhani as a journalist for the first time, and it fueled my admiration and respect for him. My mother suddenly and tragically passed away in 2014. She was killed by the Taliban in Afghanistan. My family was devastated, and everyone around us was left in shock. It was a high profile killing involving eleven diplomats, and my family refused to give any statement to the media regarding the shooting. However, when the dust settled, Lakhani reached out to me with nothing but love and kindness. He wanted to know the story, and wanted to convey the devastation to the public. The war in Afghanistan had, until this point, been a distant story with no real consequences for people around us. Lakhani wanted to bring to the LUMS community the horrors of this war, and the real and everlasting impact it could have on people. His was the only interview my family ever gave. I am truly thankful to Lakhani for being so humble and thoughtful when drafting this article. We went back and forth for a few weeks before the article was published. Lakhani was true to his word, and provided a fair and accurate representation of how we felt. My family was grateful for his insight and words he used on paper.

“Since then, I have seen Lakhani accomplish amazing feats. He has interviewed celebrities, icons and political figures. He talks about issues that are openly discussed, and issues that nobody wants to discuss. He does all this with courage and kindness, and I have never seen him lose sight of that.”

So much of my life has been spent questioning myself and wallowing in anxiety that I can’t even take a moment to celebrate how far I’ve come and what I’m capable of doing. I wake up anxious every day even though everything is fine. It’s a travesty really because it holds me back from enjoying life, doing my most productive work and living my best life. What do I really fear? Worst case scenarios of all sorts. Losing a job, a loved one or just being a failure in general. Not being good enough or enough. But what if I flipped the paradigm and bet on myself?

I have so much in life to be grateful for and should be confident about the life that I’ve built. I’ve moved continents and re-built my life from scratch multiple times. I’ve survived a failed marriage and thrived in a good one. I have a beautiful daughter, son and healthy parents. I’ve found success in multiple career tracks for over a decade and a half. I’m capable, if only I choose the believe versus question.

Why don’t we believe in ourselves? That’s a question as old as time itself but it’s the key to unlocking the joy in the journey. We will do what we have to do everyday but if we believe in ourselves, we can actually enjoy the process and realise that we are living the life of our dreams. I may feel like an impostor but I have made a difference in the lives of real human beings and that’s the only thing that matters at the end of the day. Here’s to feeling the fear of being an impostor and doing it anyway!

Published in The Express Tribune, December 24^th, 2023.

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