Men get abused too: Sheheryar Munawar says abuse isn't gendered

Actor speaks about being in a bad relationship and how he now sees his directorials from a new kaleidoscope

Domestic abuse isn’t a new theme to be explored but its realistic portrayal on screens has often been an issue. Our dramas and soaps often end up glorifying and gaslighting the abused instead of showing courage and bravery against it. Or it shows the complete opposite, without  acknowledging the painful process of grief and shame that goes behind the empowerment.

In conversation with Fuchsia, writer and director Sheheryar Munawer, who recently worked on a short highlighting the same issue, spoke about the thought process and his outlook on domestic abuse in general. 

Working with Mahira

Sheheryar recalled how he had clicked with Mahira when they worked together in his directorial debut Prince Charming. While the short film was more “artistic” than “commercial,” according to Sheheryar, his dark approach to film and storytelling stayed consistent in both. 

 

 

 

 

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A post shared by Sheheryar Munawar Siddiqui (@sheheryarmunawar)

“We felt spent while working on Prince Charming. Completely spent as if something literally left our bodies while working on it,” said the actor-turned writer and director. “After a few months of Prince Charming, Mahira called me and said she wanted me to do this project for her.” The Parey Hut Love star shared, "The theme which was explored this year was domestic abuse following Noor Mukaddam’s case. And mind you, I also had to keep in mind that  I was creating a third episode for it, and it had to stay in the original story's world.”  

'Abuse isn’t a one-time thing'

About the script, Sheheryar was given a first draft but he had different plans for it. “I told them since you’ve come to me and you’ve told me what you want, let me be the chef here. Give me the creative freedom to add all and any masala I’d like to it.” He took his sweet time with the script and went back with a draft that the team loved. 

The Sinf-e-Aahan actor shared that since his audience was so wide, from intellectuals to the masses, he decided to layer up his short film like an onion. “For the top level, people can enjoy the visual elements, the music and in the end, take some message away. Then comes people who dig deeper, watch closely and get the symbolism. But for people who go till the last layer, and that comes with re-watching the clip two or three times, they’ll see the patterns and underlying themes highlighted beyond the fight against domestic abuse.” 

For Sheheryar, three things were important given the time constraint. “Real depictions of characters, functional dialogues, and symbolic gestures,” shared the 34-year-old filmmaker. 

 

 

 

 

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Shedding light on how he first wanted to show the cyclical nature of abuse, he used flashbacks to show which statements trigger the onset of abuse. “Abuse isn’t a one-time thing, and is often followed by a grand apology, each one grander than the last one and it melts you, absorbs you with time. So to show the pattern, I repeated the same line that Mahira’s to-be-husband says in the beginning. The ‘Maheen, have you lost your mind?’ was a set pattern and the person who rewatches the film will understand that layer. They’ll understand how Maheen did not lose her mind, but actually found it when she finally says no.” 

While talking about the end where Mahira is seen grieving as the wedding decorations come off, he brought up Taapsee Pannu’s 2020 drama Thappad. “I disagree with its approach. The switch doesn’t come in one day ever. You can say no, show courage, but the abused will break. My character is more realistic that way, she doesn't become emotionless. Why do women continue to stay in abusive relationships? It's not like women are only scared of the consequences. They’re also in love with their abusers, that's why it's a toxic relationship. You can have a courageous moment to stand up for yourself but you’ll end up breaking the next minute because you don't know life without that man. That is why you’ve been tolerating the violence. It doesn't take a brave woman to stand up for herself, it just takes momentary courage.” 

He also gave an example of how Noor when tried to run away to the guards, her murderer Zahir Jaffer puleld her inside and she went. He said it's because you internalise to give in. “Hate isn’t the lack of love, it’s a reaction to betrayal. And my heroine was not just Mahira. Her whole family had to be the heroes. The abused always needs their family’s support.” 

'Abuse isn't gendered'

Sheheryar further added that abuse isn’t gendered. “Men get abused too. I’ve been in a bad relationship too. But Pakistani men aren’t allowed to cry and when they’re not allowed to feel pain and cry, then the man becomes an animal and then beats the women up. I’m not justifying it but it happens this way. We need to endorse sensitivity amongst all genders.”

Concluding the topic on a lighter note, the Aasmano Pai Likha actor was asked an unusual question about marrying a widow, the way his character in Sinf-e-Aahan, Major Usama does. His recent shoot with actor Sajal Aly started a conversation on the internet on how he is seen in such steamy shoots with widowed actors. “If I fall in love with a lady, it wouldn’t matter if she was a widow, but I would be more cautious if there were children there,” he said.