Ask Asad: I am in an illicit relationship with my uncle’s wife – how do I end it?

I also have a girlfriend who I love and plan to marry in December next year


Asad Shafi January 30, 2017
CREATIVE: AAMIR KHAN

Dear Asad,

I am in an illegitimate relationship with my maternal uncle’s second wife. We are both madly in love and can't seem to stay away from each other; we get together as soon as my uncle leaves for office every morning.

I am an atheist and also have a girlfriend who I love very much and she loves me too. We are even planning to get married in December next year.

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Please help me out of this tricky situation.

Thank you!

Deceiving Nephew

Dear Deceiving Nephew,

Thank you for being so brutally honest and open in your letter to me. It takes guts to admit such a mistake. I appreciate that.

As you very well know what you are doing is extremely wrong, I suggest that you try to bring an immediate halt to it. Below are a few steps, which if you take, should help you in stopping this illegitimate relationship.

Move out

By your letter I understand that perhaps you are living in the same house as your uncle or somewhere nearby. If that’s the case, then I would strongly advise that you change house and find somewhere else to live, preferably somewhere as far as possible. It might not be easy for you to shift, financially and otherwise, but it would help you to a great extent in getting out of this illegitimate relationship.

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Appeal to your sense of right and wrong

You mentioned in your letter that you are an atheist. This I take it is your way of indirectly telling me that if I ask you to seek God’s help, pray, fast and/or keep pious company you might not find that beneficial for yourself. That’s fine. I can understand that. But every person, atheist or otherwise, has a sense of right and wrong. You have it too. That’s why you wrote to me because you realise what you are doing is wrong. Try to appeal more to this moral sense of yours. Realise what you are doing is extremely wrong and you have to stop it no matter how great the temptation is.

Remember that your uncle has done nothing to deserve this

You being his nephew, your uncle must love you and trust you. How are you repaying him? By betraying his trust? And that too in the worst possible way. I am sure he has done nothing to deserve this from you. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if your wife cheated on you as soon as you left for work each morning? And that too with someone whom you trusted unconditionally?

Think about what will happen to you if you ever get caught

Consider the loss of love and respect from your family, relatives, friends and community if you ever get caught. You will suffer for the rest of your life as this act of yours won’t be pardoned by your family and, unlike some other wrongdoings, things won’t be getting better as time passes. No one will forgive and forget. You will have to live with this stigma for the rest of your life, most probably as an outcast.

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Your actions can destroy all the families involved

If you ever get caught, it’s not just you who will suffer. Your whole family will. In fact many families will. Yours, your uncle’s, his wife’s and many of the ones related to them. There will be extensive damage and the fallout will be permanent.

Be honest to yourself

I don’t believe you are being honest to yourself and everyone concerned when you say you love both your uncle’s wife and your girlfriend. How is that possible? It’s just lust, plain and simple. If you truly love your girlfriend, whom you are planning to marry, you wouldn’t be cheating on her.

Think about the girl whom you are planning to marry

What about the girl whom you love and who loves you? I am sure she is sincere to you in her love and her feelings towards you. Are you being fair to her? How would you feel if you got to know that all this time that she’s been professing her love for you, she has been cheating on you with some other guy, i.e. she is making plans to marry you but at the same time sleeping with somebody else. How would that make you feel? Won’t you feel betrayed and deceived?

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What you have done and are doing is extremely wrong – in every way. But there is still time to correct your mistake and repent. Give up this illegitimate relationship immediately. Severe it instantly and move on with your life.

Take care!

Asad

Asad is a counsellor, life coach, inspirational speaker and a personal-development expert. He advises on social, personal and emotional issues. You can send him your questions for this weekly column at [email protected] with “Ask Asad” mentioned in the subject line and provide as many details as possible.

Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Express Tribune.

COMMENTS (12)

Pukubanger | 4 years ago | Reply The situations, problems and the people seeking counsel are all cooked up in a spicy jam, so that readers starving of sex grab and swallow them all, hook line and sinker, without a question.
ahmad | 4 years ago | Reply well do you understand that you are advising somebody who's committing an act categorized as crime under law? will we soon see people asking advice how to get away with murder?
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