This script reveals the truth about Panama Leaks

Three things in Pakistan are certain: death, corruption and an Imran Khan dharna. Each year after the season of Coke Studio concludes and Imran Khan has no more coke studio to watch he decides to throw a party in Islamabad. At this rate I would not be surprised if DJ Butt also owns several offshore companies from the money he has amassed.

The word on the street now is “Panama Leaks”; billions of people from infinite universes descended upon Islamabad a fortnight ago screaming in unison “Leak Nawaz Leak”. It’s surprising no corporation has jumped on the trend to come with a slogan that says, “Panama Leaks but we don’t”.



Imran Khan was not able to win the elections in 2013, or topple the government in 2014 or 2015, but 2016 will be his year. It will be exactly 24 years after his World Cup Victory, it has been written in the stars. Imran Khan saw it himself after listening to some Coke Studio.



PTI contests the Sharifs bought properties in London in 1993 and not in 2006 as they claim. Imran Khan obviously is not corrupt because he is still making a living out of the $3,086 billion prize money he received for winning the world cup in 1992.

Little known fact: As per the constitution of Pakistan if a Pakistani cricket team captain wins the World Cup he has a legal right to own the soul of every Pakistani for eternity. It has to be an ODI World cup though and not a T20 world cup, this is why Younis Khan is making a living post retirement by selling makayee chanay (corn kernels) in Mardan.

PTI has so much evidence that the country has run out of paper. Evidence is being submitted in court now written on toilet paper. It is therefore a good thing Pakistan uses Muslim showers.



Panama Leaks have rocked Pakistan into action. The country will unite to fight against corruption by creating a Facebook group online where PTI supporters will also celebrate a Hilary Clinton presidency and share pictures of their pet unicorns.

Imran Khan is fighting for us like a cornered tiger – without any sense or logic. He contests that he is doing this for the people of Pakistan and that he is a man of the people. “I will give everything I have for the poor people of Pakistan,” Imran told the media from his 350 canal house worth Rs750 million.

The nation watches with bated breath as some of the richest people in Pakistan accuse some of the other richest people in Pakistan of stealing from the nation.

Peasants across the country agree with the side that exploits them for their support more. The entire labour force working at Jahangir Tareen’s sugar mills definitely stand by Jahangir Tareen and Imran Khan for all the hardships faced by PTI leaders due to economic stratification in Pakistan.



According to Panama Leaks, when questioned about the Sharif family’s offshore holdings Hassan Nawaz declared them wrong and said, “This is a very religious family”. All the Sharif family has to do now is submit their reply in court stating they got all their money from God and anybody who claims otherwise will commit blasphemy and go to Jail. Hassan Nawaz should then thank his grandfather and Ziaul Haq and go to sleep.

After hearing Bilawal Bhutto speak and literally sound like Benazir Bhutto, I thought no other child could do such a good impersonation of their own parent, but watching Hussain Nawaz stumble to find words on national television made me think Nawaz Sharif drank the elixir of life and became 20 years younger.



The court drama is set to eclipse OJ Simpson’s trial. PTI has picked wisely. Who better to run a comedy trial than a comedy show host?  Naeem Bokhari may be the only person who has managed to host a show on Geo News and join PTI.

Imran Khan said, “Geo walay durr jao par Naeem Bokhari idhar aao.”



The Sharif family has also changed their lawyer after their first legal team allegedly told them even the Justice League and the Avengers combined cannot defend you.



The Qatar family gave money to Nawaz Sharif for ensuring the 2022 World Cup bid goes to Qatar. Fifa might be the only organisation more corrupt than the PML-N.



The nation hailed the Qatari prince as a hero when it was informed that Sheikh Hamad Bin Jassim bin Jaber Al-Thani was coming to Pakistan to hunt bustards. The nation rejoiced thinking it would finally be able to get rid of its politicians. However, the information that the houbara bustard was a migratory bird was not well received by the people.

Let’s be honest though, for a few flats in London, most of us would not only let a Qatari prince kill migratory birds but let him hunt immigrants for fun. We can always make more people but property in London is scarce.

If we can sell our people to America for the war against terror, who’s to protect birds in this country? No one cares about endangered species no matter what the WWF says; we literally grew up eating pandas for ice cream. And most us hate the WWF anyway, in school they gave us a spelling test and made us pay them for the torture.

I, for one, would like to thank Imran Khan. With Bollywood movies banned we needed some entertainment in our lives and the Panama case has provided exactly that.

The article is a work of satire and fiction.