The responsibility of men

Two independent things in the last few days essentially pointed to where we, as a society, are and what we allow and enable men to do. One, which has gotten much attention, is the vile and disgusting video tape, an audio recording of an individual vying to become the President of the United States. As a father of two very curious pre-teen children, who have a deep sense of wonder and excitement about politics and the political process, I find it impossible to talk to them about what the news is all about.

I do not have words to explain to my children why politicians are leaving their candidate and why I am livid, furious and extremely upset. Reading the newspaper, which we always do as part of our family tradition, is no longer possible as a family activity. There are only so many times I can use the word “disgusting” to explain to my children what one of the candidates did.

The second, and a substantially more positive piece of news came from Pakistan where the National Assembly strengthened the honour killing bill. An important step in the right direction, but a lot more needs to be done. The bill in the assembly, I hope, will increase awareness and will hopefully strengthen the hands of the prosecutors in enforcing the writ of the state. That said, we have to acknowledge that the bill is not coming out of a vacuum, and is not on something frivolous, but that we have a problem of honour killings in the country, and that women have suffered unimaginable consequences for wanting to study, choosing their careers, helping their friends or marrying the person they love.

Both of these issues require deep introspection — of who we are, but also how to be a better society that puts human dignity and respect at the core of our values and actions. In this regard, we have to recognise that men, directly or indirectly, have been enablers of this vile behaviour. The point here is not just that men carry out most of these heinous acts and boast about their assaults, it is that men also enable others to do this. Whether it is the supposed “locker room talk” (a term that means nothing to me as I have never experienced any such thing in a locker room, in a gym, on the sports field or in private conversations) or “standing up” for the family’s honour, men have not only been complacent in ridding the society, they have been complicit in creating a culture that promotes misogyny, unfairness, sexism and poor treatment of women.

We have to recognise that this vile culture is created, promoted and celebrated by men who determine what honour is, what the supposed “alpha male” behaviour ought to be around women and how women who dress up in a certain way essentially “ask for it”. There is a tremendous moral, ethical and social responsibility on men to recognise that for a world that is equal, just and grounded on principles of decency, they have to play their part in calling out members of their male fraternity and recognising that they have not played their role.

Positive role models at home, in family, at school and at work help boys and girls, men and women reach their potential, provide inspiration and create an environment that brings out the best in everyone. Many men embrace this role and shape the lives of not just women, but also men who become beacons of hope and decency. Yet too many men reinforce the stereotypical behaviour of “guy talk” and “boys will be boys” which is a polite way of describing misogyny, indecency and fundamentally unacceptable behaviour.

The actions of men should not depend on whether they have daughters or sisters, or whether they are married or not, but simply on whether they are qualified to be decent human beings or not. We men have to acknowledge that for far too long, we have been part of the problem, if we want to see the world be a better place, we have to be an active part of the solution.

Published in The Express Tribune, October 11^th, 2016.

Like Opinion & Editorial on Facebook, follow @ETOpEd on Twitter to receive all updates on all our daily pieces.