Guidelines on how to successfully attend a wedding

A short list of guidelines you can follow in order to avoid being one of ‘those’ guests at a close or distant wedding this season. Amina Sibtain’s hilarious rendition will have you in stiches!

The day has arrived and I’m in my #OutfitOfTheDay

the lighting will be epic, so many selfies coming my way.

I have my list ready, of things not to say

I’ll share with you some wisdom; don’t ruin the bride’s day.

You think your love for her reflects in the clothes you wear,

but wearing a borrowed bridal will cause her only despair.

I know Kendall and Gigi rocked their funky hair, but

back-combing those curls, you’ll look like Ursula’s heir!

I know you want your make-up on point, these pictures will make history

but, with four layers of foundation on your face, you’ll resemble a puff pastry.

To all the young Varun Dhavans, who’ve come with dance moves to impress

please control your flailing arms, you’re putting dadi in distress.

The night can’t end without the perfect insta upload,

but asking the bride to take your picture, will only make her explode.

Dear aunty with a single son living in a land far off,

if you must sneak a picture, at least turn the camera flash off.

Aunty, I know you think I’ll die alone if unmarried at 25

But, parading me around like a goat on sale won’t make me someone’s wife.

People dance at weddings to celebrate and enjoy,

don’t criticise the dances, you’re not Subhash Ghai.

I know you didn’t eat all day so you could look like Heer,

but please don’t push and shove each other to be closer to the kheer.

Dear uncle in the background, staring at all the girls,

You’re not as subtle as you think; they can see you fix your curls.

My last piece of advice goes to the self-proclaimed khala,

please stop howling at the rukhsati, she’s only moving across the naala.