Love thyself

We focus so much on making our external image perfect to impress others more than our own self

One of the first announcements you hear on a plane once you have settled into your designated seat is that in case of loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will automatically drop down in front of you. Please put on your own mask first before helping others. This may sound like a selfish instruction but is, in fact, a way of ensuring self-preservation along with being useful to others.

In life there are givers and takers. Very few people tend to be both. Givers end up being the ones who will be gasping for breath but will continue putting oxygen masks on others until they pass out. Takers will put on their mask and chill in their seat while others struggle around them, glad that they survived. The smart ones will follow instructions and manage to make themselves and people around them safe.

Every day, I come across homemakers who slog all day to make their homes perfect — to be the perfect wife, daughter, mother, daughter-in-law, neighbour, chef and tutor to her kids. They have set routines where they make time for all the important people in their lives but they always seem to miss the most important person. They forget to make ‘me’ time for themselves. And if, God forbid, they fall sick then the whole structure of their home falls apart at the seams.

Men and women, especially the ones who are the sole breadwinners, are so immersed in the grind of their jobs and then the guilt of not spending time with their spouses, parents and/or kids that they forget to go to doctors, the gym or even for a short holiday to recuperate. Eventually that lifestyle leads to a collapse in the form of an illness or an emotional meltdown and then a financial crisis hits, as there is no other breadwinner. I know more than one man who has had a heart episode that turned out to be an anxiety or panic attack.

Think about it. If you can’t respect yourself then why will anyone else respect you? If you don’t find yourself worth loving, then why will anyone else love you? Similarly, if you aren’t going to make time for yourself then why will people who are around you make time for you? How you teach people to treat you is how you will be treated eventually, whether you do it consciously or unconsciously. Learning to delegate duties and responsibilities to others often helps in creating time for oneself.

Wake up in the morning and greet yourself in front of the mirror. Admire yourself, the only person who should be able to control how you feel and how your day goes should be you. Humans are not machines and we are not meant to exist on autopilot mode. We need to eat healthy, exercise and make time for the things we enjoy and that refresh us. The sacrifices that we think we are making for our family when we ignore our own needs are actually a disservice to them. The same family you have destroyed yourself for, ends up in a worse situation because of you.

We focus way too much on making our external image perfect to impress others more than our own self. Everything these days totals down to appearances. All this makes me wonder how much do we invest in improving our inner self? What do we feed our soul, except stress?

We need to focus on loving ourselves, inside and out. When you love yourself (without being obsessive about it), others will naturally follow suit. Remember that no one except you is in charge of your happiness and your health. Choose how you spend your time and energy wisely. You only get to live this life once.

Published in The Express Tribune, March 14^th, 2016.

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