The Underworld needs to go under and never resurface again

The script makes very little sense using plot-devices that serve no real purpose other than serving as a distraction

I must admit I’ve never cared much for the Underworld movies. For me, they are very akin to the Resident Evil movies -- both are going on five plus movies, both follow the stories of a female protagonist played by a C-list actress battling monsters like werewolves, vampires, zombies. And both series, upon the release of a new film, make you ask the question: ‘Exactly who paid to see the last one?’


Underworld: Blood Wars is the fifth entry in the Underworld franchise, and yes it’s utter trash and just as bad as the last four.

Kate Beckinsale returns as vampire ‘death-dealer’ Selene in her traditional skin tight leather costume. This time around Selene must fend off both the Lycan clan (the werewolves) and the vampire faction that betrayed her. And with her only allies, David (Theo James) and his father Thomas (Charles Dance), she must stop the centuries-old turf war between the Lycans and Vampires, even if that would mean having to make the ultimate sacrifice herself.

Kate Beckinsale in Underworld: Blood Wars (2016).Photo: IMDb

In case you’re still reading and weren’t bored to death by simply reading the plot-summary; Blood Wars is a putrid mess of a movie. It is utterly boring and un-engaging and happens to be drenched in the same post-Matrix visual pastiche as the previous movies with a glossy, metallic-blue, cologne commercial aesthetic that’s simply displeasing to look at. The characters are about as dull and insipid as the dialogue they speak. And the script makes very little sense using plot-devices that serve no real purpose to the story, other than serving as a distraction.

Clementine Nicholson in Underworld: Blood Wars (2016).Photo: IMDb

On top of that, it is so badly directed and choppily edited. The film is directed by TV director Anna Foerster, who has worked as a cinematographer in the past and whose recent credits include directing a few episodes of Outlander. But looking at this film, it doesn’t seem she was ever near a camera before this... in her life. The action sequences are so confusingly shot, generic, and poorly staged that you can barely make sense of anything. And more often than not, the gunshots from the excessive gunplay serve as more of background music than the actual score.

Kate Beckinsale and Theo James in Underworld: Blood Wars (2016).Photo: IMDb

I must admit, I expected ‘something’ from the performances. Not much, just a little ounce of campy fun. But even that is nowhere to be found. Kate Beckinsale is terrible. Her self-seriousness and new contact lenses do not help her performance at all. Theo James is just as boring as he was in the Divergent movies and Lara Pulver does little more than seem like a poor man’s Eva Green, playing a role that was probably written for Eva Green but Eva Green had the good sense to pass it on.

Underworld: Blood Wars (2016).Photo: IMDb

It’s hard to compare Blood Wars to the other Underworld movies because they are all pretty terrible and the franchise clearly ran out of ideas a long time ago. One can only hope this one, at least, bombs so badly that we don’t get another Underworld movie and Kate Beckinsale doesn’t have to wear another one of those skin tight leather outfits. They seem so uncomfortable to shoot vampires and werewolves in!