How not to judge a prospective proposal

Being picky is justified, so long as you remain humble and do not miss out on a potentially great suitor

Most of us, at some point or the other, have to undergo the much dreaded rishta process. If you are single, chances are that your parents are busy trying to find you a good suitor. When he comes, you will have a multitude of questions to ask of him so as to gauge his personality. Unfortunately, there is no set formula to really figure out the stranger sitting before you. After all, how can you decide whether he can be your future husband in just a meeting? To help expedite the process, however, we have some guidelines you can follow lest you make an incorrect judgement.

Never judge a book by its cover

We have all heard of this phrase millions of times, and yet, do not act upon it. For instance, a suitor may be very well put together or sporting run-in sneakers with torn jeans but there is much more to him than just his appearance. You must remember that he is probably just as nervous as you and might have missed out tiny details such as cleaning his shoes. Try not to be too pompous and reject him based on the way he looks.

The degree debate

The idea of getting hitched to someone from an Ivy League school might feel very flattering but his degree does not depict his personality. Let’s not get too caught up with his credentials. Education is important, but so are his beliefs, morals, behaviour and priorities.

Strangers from a foreign land

Many families immediately approve of a suitor upon hearing that he lives abroad. He or his family might be in a different country but that does not necessarily mean that they are making a good living there. Be sure you have done enough research before accepting the proposal. Also, bear in mind that once you are married, you will have to settle down into a foreign country and that too, away from your own friends and family. If you are unwilling to give that kind of commitment, we suggest you search for suitors residing in Pakistan only.

Let’s not confuse finicky with materialistic

All too often, we merge the fine line between being picky and being materialistic. You have every right to ask for the same, if not more, than what your parents have provided you with but that does not mean you should make a decision based on the suitor’s wealth. Remember that money cannot get happiness but people can.

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, November 22^nd, 2015.