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I am a forgiving person: Musharraf
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Time and time again…
Musharraf is trying to come back too, but it’s too soon. Now you just seem desperate and needy and that’s a...
The writer is a standup comedian [email protected]
The key to making a relationship work is timing. It’s about knowing when to make the first move, when to say “I love you”, when to give some space and when to walk away. Timing, timing, timing. Trust me, I have frightened away many a woman over the years with my inability to appreciate the value of good timing. I misjudged the moment I entered the friend zone, mistimed that all-important first move and (all too often) didn’t know when to give up. There are emotionally scarred women littered across Karachi who would gladly attest to my inability to appreciate the when’s of relationship management. I do, however, take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this tragic deficiency, all of Pakistan suffers from it too.
If the love story between Pervez Musharraf and Pakistan had ended at the right time, it would have been a tale of joy and beauty. Sure things started off weird, what with the whole coup thing. But we didn’t complain too much because it felt … dangerous. Military dictators are a fetish for us. They hurt us, they make us sorry, but that’s what makes them so attractive. Sure Zia was a crazed religio-lunatic who spent more time yelling at us then cuddling but surely this next one wouldn’t be so bad? Right? Maybe? Surprisingly, the risk paid off, for a while at least. Those first few years with Musharraf were glorious. He took care of us, was attentive and protective. He nurtured our economy and liberated our media. He loved us and we loved him for loving us. And if we had both called it quits then, things would have been so different today. But we didn’t. He and us, we stuck in there too long. Once the gloss and shine and newness of the relationship wore off, things started to go the way of all long-term relationships. “You’ve changed,” we screamed. “No I still love you, but I want things on my terms,” he hollered back. Tempers flared. He tossed a chief justice at us and we flung a lawyers movement back at him. Then, with nothing left for each other but anger and resentment, ways were parted. But, because we were scared and just wanted to be held without caring about who was doing the holding, we made the same mistake that all lonely people do and got into a rebound relationship. Maybe it was just our way of getting back at Musharraf, maybe we just didn’t trust ourselves to be alone. But that first person to whisper the right words, whoever it may be, became the next person for us. Now, it’s been over two years in this doomed fling with Zardari. It was never meant to last and was started for all the wrong reasons, but here we are nonetheless, without the strength of will to do anything except make the same mistakes again and see it through to the bitter end. We may want to walk away, but we’re scared that if we do then everyone is going to think we’re the problem. “Can’t hold on to a relationship,” they will mutter in gossiping tones, “afraid of commitment.”
The problem is the alternatives are just as bad. Zardari may be neglecting us but we really aren’t in the mood for the awkward and dispassionate come-ons of Nawaz. Musharraf is trying to come back too, but it’s too soon. The wounds are still sore and the bruises still dark. You can’t reclaim that magic so quickly. We need more time apart. Now you just seem desperate and needy and that’s a turn off.
Maybe what Pakistan needs, in the end, is to be alone for a while. We need to rediscover ourselves before we let anyone else tell us who to be. So don’t call us, we’ll call you. When the timing is right.
Published in The Express Tribune, October 7th, 2010.
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Reader Comments (45)
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Dude you’ve taken politics to a new (romantic) level in a ‘Mushy’ way!Recommend
Like your description above, I suppose my love affair with Sami Shah is also fickle as I look for the Sami Shah opinion piece and expect to to blown away and then when that does not happen, I scratch my head and make excuses supporting Sami Shah. Like you advise I will wait until the next time because all things said and done, I am a fan.Recommend
pure brilliance! You do it over and over again! Just when we think you have given us your best, you prove us wrong by giving us even better! You sir are genius!Recommend
Alright Bob hope wannabe what is your point. Are you saying Pakistani’s like pain? Because that is what you are getting from Mr. ten percent who is hard at work to double that percentage from what I hear. Then if that is not enough you maybe in for some more if Nawaz comes calling.
At the moment I would opt for Musharraf. But, if you are getting bad vibes because of this “timing” thing then the next best thing would be MQM minus Altaf Hussain.
BTW, you got a lot of Chutzpah when you say “There are emotionally scarred women littered across Karachi who would gladly attest to my inability to appreciate the when’s of relationship management”. Good for you I suppose the Mullah’s can’t read. That statement’s got to be atleast 30 lashes worth?
Relationship management is like anything else. Ever heard of the Song by Kenny Rogers from the Movie Gambler sound track that went something like:
“You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em
Know when to walk away and know when to run”
That there dude is the essence of life and relationship managment. As a matter of fact management period!Recommend
Hahahaha! So true Sami. You didn’t overdo it with the jokes this time. Might be your best piece yet!Recommend
HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHH
this is so EPIC man
BRAAAAAAVO!Recommend
Nice one!! As always!!! I just hate to say that I don’t agree with the ‘left alone part. Sure Pakistan doesn’t want lovers who ‘use’ her but she doesn’t want to be left alone either. In other words she needs is the ‘perfect guy’ who can take care of her in every way :PRecommend
Woahhh.. i think it’s the right time to say I Love You?!
Spot on!Recommend
I love the article!… Though we need mush back badly!…
Dont think the country can take any more instability!Recommend
FIRST!Recommend
Summed up his tenure perfectly Shah Sahb, writing’s growing on you!Recommend
Heh, good one.
The last paragraph I can particularly relate with – what we need right now is to be left alone and enjoy the “single life”.
Then again, we are broken (and I don’t just mean “broken-hearted”).
What we first need to do is to become a “we”. Recommend
i want mush back…..for his entertainment value….:)Recommend
Quite a sensible article. However, Musharraf said sorry. We forgave everyone else too, why not him.Recommend
Couldn’t agree more…we need to be left alone or sometime…so as to build the right focus and right perspective….as a nation we are confused, misguided and live in fool’s paradie….Recommend
agree complete … very well written Sami !Recommend
A truly excellent article that i thoroughly enjoyed.Recommend
Mush was a failure. Recommend
:) Beautifully put! Enjoyed it throughly!Recommend
haha good one samiRecommend
Well done ji,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I accept Musharraf Sorry and willing to give him another chance to prove his love
and request you all too forgive
Pakistan 1st
Malik Tabeer
Boston,USARecommend
Looks like Only Sami’s close friends read his columns and rave.. ok, if that’s what makes him happy, otherwise nothing to write home about!!!!Recommend
Geo Musharraf.Recommend
Woah! i like it! <3 haha… nice comparisons :D … and i agree! lol …Recommend
Excellent piece Sami! Especially the conclusion….awesome!! ;) Recommend
i agree. musharraf looks needy and desperate
hance the bad hair dyeRecommend
A hilarious approach to sort out the mess :)
I agree and yet disagree with the concluding paragraph. Guess we’re not built to survive alone, we’ve never been out of a relationship, in fact we’ve repeatedly gotten ourselves into new relationships before duly ending previous ones…With our bad experience with and fear of long term commitment, perhaps for a change we should start seeing more people and get by with one-night-stands for a while before we find a right match–someone who fits into our ideal profile for long-run companionship and goals.
Meantime we must work on sorting out our own messy head for exactly what the ideal profile is, where we want to be and set our priorities right; while also analysing our own shortcomings and contribution towards repeatedly failing relationships…
And once we’re with someone who seems right, regardless of their past or our prejudice regarding their origin or way of running things, even if differences do develop in time, we should just look at the broader picture; we’re not getting younger and
MUST STAY TOGETHER FOR THE (unborn/born) KIDS!Recommend
that was romantic Recommend
I dont know, somethings just dont feel right in a comical sense. You just dont talk about your own death in a funny way as it only makes you look stupid and emotionally unstable. Likewise you dont talk about a nation’s death particularly when you belong to it. It simply is not funny. Pakistan has had its fair share of assassins, from Ayub till Musharaf we have seen them all and only God knows how many more will come before we finally had the courage to stand up to them and stare them down.
Pakistan is no Saudia, Syria, Libya etc. so the love for tyrany shown by the Author is both saddening and disturbing. How can a person who is not entitled to the helm of Government, who has usurped and grabbed power through sheer force and who raped the very roots of our nation can be loved and held in awe? Not even in jest should we be bestowing our love to these dictators as they were, are and shall remain the scum of our society. Who gives them the right to rule us and to loot, rape and cause economic, political and emotional mayhem? Nobody….none whatsoever. But these weak voices which try to lighten things up for these criminals by showing them as lesser evils, do beckon them and these dictators will continue to exploit this nation till even a single soul “loving them” remains here. It is about time that the Constitution is rid of these sacred cows that we ourselves have clonned from the concept of hypocrisy. If only every body was made susceptible to judicial review none of these Generals would take law into their own filthy hands. Recommend
v true whatever you said about Mushi :)
yeah.. surely we would call him when the time is right. nice Article Recommend
This is a very interesting and well-written article. I always look forward to reading your articles.
And yes you’re right Pakistan does need some time alone but that is exactly what Pakistan does not understand. Being an emotional nation, we all seem to go back to the same relationships we started off with and end up making the same mistakes time and time again.
I hope people learn this time and do not let the same people hurt us over and over again.Recommend
great piece!Recommend
lol message conveyed very aptly in a delighted tone…thanks!Recommend
alone means without Z, N and M. Only if the three will agree to leave us alone. LOL…fun reading thoughRecommend
Too emotional for what encompasses a disjointed country, a broken nation and its oppressed and disgruntled people. An honest advice: Stick to stand-ups only, you’ll make a career in it surely.Recommend
Brilliant article. Point conveyed poignantly through humour and wit. The political analysis of the situation in Pakistan is accurately described as hitting on the nail. Thanks for expressing our feelings in such a succinct manner.Recommend
Sami, you DO have your hand on the pulse of the nation :)
This was brilliantly spot-on!Recommend
Mushy’s love affair with Pakistan is a true story of a beloved who dumped her lover after a while. But appreciate his loyality, he’s still desperate that his dumpee beloved accepts the dumped him, once again.Recommend
i really liked your article. the only issue i found were a number of different grammatical mistakes.
Sure Zia was a crazed religio-lunatic who spent more time yelling at us then cuddling but surely this next one wouldn’t be so bad?
whenever you’re comparing two things, you use the word “than”, not “then”.
Recommend
Now if only your radio show was as brilliant as this…Recommend
now my love life makes so much senseRecommend
LOL @ the article. He’s right. The emotions of the Pakistani nation can be compared to those of a young and confused girl and unfortunately it’s going through PMS now and that’s why it’s futile to talk logic at the moment. A couple more days of democracy and the general is bound to get a call back.Recommend
Quite an angle on politics although i dont think we should ever be left alone to fend for ourselves, i agree with the rebound relationship part. Well written!Recommend
We have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour.
Now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour.
And there are things to be considered.
Where are you living? What are you doing?
What are your relationships? Are you in the right relation?
Where is your water? Know your garden.
It is time to speak your truth. Create your community.
Be good to each other. And do not look outside yourself for the leader.
This could be a good time! There is a river flowing now very fast.
It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.
They will try to hold onto the shore.
They will feel they are being torn apart and they will suffer greatly.
Know the river has its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore, and push off and into the river,
Keep our eyes open, and our head above the water.
See who is in there with you and Celebrate.
At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally.
Least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do,
Our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.
The time of the lone wolf is over, Gather yourselves!
Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary.
All that you do now must be done in a sacred manner
And in celebration.
We are the one’s we’ve been waiting for.” Recommend
well. some people might believe this article shows emotional instability, but given how much we women love dysfunctional relationships i loved it. and you’re possibly the only writer whose articles i’ve enjoyed reading and that’s saying somethingRecommend