Wasted youth

Published: January 25, 2012

sami.shah@tribune.com.pk

Young? Bored? Lonely? Get used to it. Given the current direction that we are moving in, the only remaining option for young people to entertain themselves will be to stare contemplatively at the wall. Just fix your eye on a spot and wait for sleep to take over. If nothing else, it will help pass the time. This is not necessarily a bad thing. A strict diet of quiet meditation could have served me well in my youth. The quest for entertainment led me to listen to some terrible songs and hold some regrettable hands. Thankfully, from this moment on, Pakistanis will be spared such traumatic experiences.

The War against Youthful Experiences is being fought hard and unrelentingly by brave warriors like Punjab Law Minister Rana Sanaullah. Using the kind of deft touch that can only be taught in the same school that produces Lahore High Court judges, the minister looked at the problems plaguing Pakistan today, like corruption, poverty, crime and terrorism and did the only thing a man devoted to the law could do: he proposed a ban on concerts. It was a tough decision and someone had to make it. And when times are as dark as these, with challenges as insurmountable, Rana Sanaullah is the man you want fighting for truth, justice and the Pakistani way. Like a local Judge Dredd, he saw past the clutter and brought down his meaty fist of logic. His mind leapt like Alexander confronted with a Gordian knot, except instead of slicing it in half, he proceeded to tie his own brain in the same knotted configuration. His reason for banning concerts was unquestionably manly. Anyone else would have taken a look at the tragedy that occurred at a recent Atif Aslam concert and decided to make whining and mewling complaints about greater need for proper event organisation and venues with properly marked exits. Maybe even a stricter adherence to limiting audience numbers. But Rana Sanaullah has no time for such childish haggling. If a tragedy occurred at a concert, then to him the concert is to blame. That’s just how he rolls. He is now going to shift his focus towards the recent tragic deaths of over 65 patients caused by medicines prescribed by the Punjab Institute of Cardiology. It’s only a matter of time before he responds by banning medicine, institutes, cardiology and patients.

So if you are young and wanted to listen to some live music, maybe jump around in an awkward approximation of rhythm, then do it fast while you are still allowed to. If, however, you want to indulge those yearnings for companionship and romance that we all feel and find that an open air park is just the place to do so, then your luck ran out already. No more can the young lover sit under the shade of a tree and read poems to his intended, nor can he and she inch their fingers towards one another’s hands on a wooden bench while birds chirp in the background. Maya Khan, self-appointed avenging emissary of decency, celibacy and parental disapproval will swoop down on you like a drone that is prone to breaking out into Bollywood dance routines. Flanked by an army of women who will hunt you down and lecture you with the precision of a laser-guided missile full of self-righteousness, she prowls the grasslands of Pakistan seeking out romance wherever it may dare to blossom. Samaa TV, on which she airs her wretchedly unwatchable morning show has clearly decided that ratings spikes are far more important than, say, responsible behaviour or respect for privacy. Which is why I am planning to put up cameras in their bathrooms that broadcast live.

So if you are young, get ready to get bored. Until someone finds fault in that too.

Published in The Express Tribune, January 26th, 2012. 

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Reader Comments (32)

  • Pakiman,
    Jan 25, 2012 - 10:43PM

    I agreed sir,

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  • John B
    Jan 25, 2012 - 11:03PM

    Concert banning and Bollywood movie banning are subtle way of Talibanization and PAK is getting desensitized.

    what is objectionable music? Christmas music?

    Never heard of objectionable music until now. Who are the judges to decide that?

    Welcome to PAK. If you have anything to declare, particularly Bollywood movies and Objectionable Music please throw it in the trash bin or we will I prison your mind. We only send our artists to India to sing objectionable music and act objectionably and pose objectionably. Here we are high and holy.

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  • s shah
    Jan 25, 2012 - 11:06PM

    good article. thanks. funny but sad.

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  • Rehan
    Jan 25, 2012 - 11:23PM

    “Which is why I am planning to put up cameras in their bathrooms that broadcast live.”
    All of us should get together and actually do this. Should teach those wretched people at Samaa a lesson.
    Regards,

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  • Falcon
    Jan 25, 2012 - 11:30PM

    Funny article. I think most likely they will end up reversing it out in one way or other. But let’s keep the pressure on till then.

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  • Jan 25, 2012 - 11:35PM

    Exactly my sentiments!

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  • Parvez
    Jan 25, 2012 - 11:38PM

    …..but the PML-N have a funny side as well because they suggested Veena Malik should join the Senate in order to improve attendance, now that’s Sami Shah style funny.

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  • Arifq
    Jan 26, 2012 - 12:04AM

    Funny article but there is nothing funny about the issues being discussed. We should step back and ask how come it’s so easy to ban concerts and kill liberal minded governors in Punjab with little or no opposition? Recommend

  • ash
    Jan 26, 2012 - 12:31AM

    “It’s only a matter of time before he responds by banning medicine, institutes, cardiology and patients”
    hahaha rana sanaullah is one inefficient and corrupt person, but now hes added insane to his list of virtues. Recommend

  • x
    Jan 26, 2012 - 12:31AM

    Excellent as usual!

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  • MS-Mariya Suhail
    Jan 26, 2012 - 12:50AM

    Sami let us enjoy your funny articles till YOU and funny articles get banned too :-)))

    Keep up the good work!

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  • Achoowehshi
    Jan 26, 2012 - 1:08AM

    I propose Karachi organizes a campaign, a record mass date at a park

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  • Jan 26, 2012 - 1:24AM

    hahahah!!!

    man this was a brilliant read!… I completely agree with you on the concert issue. you cant expect logical and rational decisions by them! and about the Maya khan drama mama : Hail Hitler! is all im gonna say! lol

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  • Aviator
    Jan 26, 2012 - 2:13AM

    If I ever see Maya Khan in the street with any other man, even camera-man, im going to demand her to show me her Nikaahnama!

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  • yousaf
    Jan 26, 2012 - 2:59AM

    So far as my knowledge goes putting a ban on something makes it more popular.I propose that the self righteous lot of the do gooders should learn about human psyche before they try to do some good to the masses

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  • yousaf
    Jan 26, 2012 - 3:49AM

    @ Author:–I gazed and gazed at the title of your article “wasted-youth” till a crowd of sixty million strong came alive right before my eyes.I was looking at their sad faces but was unable to make-out the reason for their being so upset when suddenly my monitor-screen went on screen-saver mode and turned black………I wish what I felt and thought at that spur of the moment is all untrue and false

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  • Kashif
    Jan 26, 2012 - 6:08AM

    Oh my dear! be aware, there is “Maya ka Saya” in every park of Karachi while Mola Buksh (a stick to beat primary level student) Rana Sanaullah is looming over the heads of young generation in Punjab. These self-righteous people dam-care of human liberty.

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  • Feroz
    Jan 26, 2012 - 9:19AM

    Staring at the ceiling and blanking out all thoughts can definitely be called meditation. If in the process the nation can produce a few Philosophers and Thinkers, cheers to it. Recommend

  • Frantic
    Jan 26, 2012 - 10:29AM

    we dont need NO thoughts control !!

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  • Azeez
    Jan 26, 2012 - 10:43AM

    So this is how we forget Islam. Good !!! Objectionable music!!?? Remember Music IS Objectionable, isn’t it? All of us know what happens in these so-called entertainment packed concerts. Guys and Gals both drink together, dance like crazy, make objectionable comments and end up having a big or small fight with each other. They are simply not in their senses. This is why it is banned in Islam. Drinking is also banned. Its not harmful if you just have a couple of sips, in fact, its good for health if taken in limited quantity. But its BANNED in Islam, Remember?Recommend

  • mind control
    Jan 26, 2012 - 11:30AM

    @Feroz

    Staring at the ceiling and blanking out all thoughts can definitely be called meditation. If in the process the nation can produce a few Philosophers and Thinkers, cheers to it.

    Is Philosophy possible once all the ‘correct answers’ have already been given, and ‘raising questions’ is branded a sign of losing faith?

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  • Omer Khan
    Jan 26, 2012 - 12:17PM

    Next resolution: “Objectionable boredom is banned…”

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  • Iqbal
    Jan 26, 2012 - 2:29PM

    Indeed we’re living in sad times.

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  • Jan 26, 2012 - 9:28PM

    systematically society is pushing youth to drugs and guns, because boredom is not their choice.

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  • Tayyab
    Jan 26, 2012 - 10:52PM

    We elected them!

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  • pmbm
    Jan 27, 2012 - 2:22AM

    @azeez
    Drinking is banned? All it says about intoxicants and gambling is ‘ there may be some benefits but there is more harm from them,therefore should be avoided’, That is the guide line, it is up to the Muslim individuals(and society as a whole) if they want to act responsible or not.

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  • BechariAwwam
    Jan 27, 2012 - 6:08AM

    I never understood whether this guy Sami Shah writes to makes us laugh or cry same can be said of his performances’ as a stand-up comedian .Recommend

  • sars
    Jan 27, 2012 - 10:17AM

    wow how about bannning concerts, walks in the park and on the road,all discussions and for fun we’ll …..hold public executions????

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  • Sad
    Jan 27, 2012 - 3:40PM

    no wonder there has been an increase in our rating on the google “sex search” scale this year.. entertainment options are narrowing everyday in this country and our awam is becoming more and more desperate.. its a sad sad situation =(

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  • Paki-Away
    Jan 27, 2012 - 7:25PM

    ahahhaha great article. @Azeez – stop using Islam as your only argument. Recommend

  • fiilza
    Jan 28, 2012 - 5:00AM

    Hilarious! I love the way you’ve worded it “Maya Khan, self-appointed avenging emissary of decency, celibacy and parental disapproval will swoop down on you like a drone that is prone to breaking out into Bollywood dance routines.”

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  • Umay
    Jan 30, 2012 - 12:45PM

    I agree how Maya Khan is hosting a shameless show but I hate how this article suggests that ‘dating’ & ‘concert’ were the ONLY 2 most important things left for Pakistan’s youth and now they have nothing better to do!

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