10 things I hate about designer lawns

No matter how exclusive the print, come June 1st, and your maid is going to walk in wearing an exact copy of the same.

1.   Paying over Rs4,000 for an outfit that you could probably not even pull off at a fancy dinner. This especially stings after you invest an additional Rs1,000 on getting the stitching done from the nikumma tailor who will probably have the outfit ready by summer 2012.

2.   No matter how exclusive and special the print may be, come June 1st, your maid is going to walk into your home wearing an exact copy of the same.

3.   The group of women present at every freaking exhibition. I call them the lawn mowers. They mow out each and every lawn suit before you even read the billboard! How many outfits do these ladies need?

4.   How every struggling, not-struggling, successful, unsuccessful, living, dying, barely-breathing designer has come up with his/her own lawn collection. Why don’t they go back to making super-expensive, un-wearable clothes that nobody ever bought?

5.   The way they offer all these different laces and frills with the jora to make your life easier but with 50 extra things per outfit, they usually end up confusing you and Nikumma.

6.   And this may very well be the reason that each year Nikumma will always put the wrong lace on the wrong jora making you look like Ugly Betty without the glasses.

7.   After visiting two exhibitions, they all start looking the same.

8.   The life-size billboards with giant models in every freaking position that keep distracting my driver every time we pass the roundabout. Yes, I almost had an accident — Vaneeza is to blame!

9.   How they’re all sold out on the very first day. I think they just make up some posters and write ‘sold out’ on them to make it look like their launch was exclusive and successful.

10.   With every passing year, the material for lawns keeps getting sheerer and sheerer. Pretty soon we’ll be in crepe paper but, the designers will convince us, it’s extremely high quality, flown in from Florence, extra-breathable and wrinkle-free. What more do you want?

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, April 10^th,  2011.