6 toxic thoughts to shut away

Self-talk, i.e. the thoughts you have about your feelings, can make or break you. When you make a mistake, they either magnify the negativity or help you turn that misstep into something productive.

Of course, negative self-talk is unrealistic, unnecessary, and self-defeating. It sends you into a downward spiral that is difficult to pull out of and can take a toll on all your future endeavours. Self-talk is driven by important beliefs that you hold about yourself. It plays an understated but powerful role in success because it can both spur you forward to achieve your goals or hold you back.

TalentSmart, a training and consulting company that tests the emotional intelligence (EQ) of people, found that 90% of top performers are high in emotional intelligence. These successful, high EQ individuals possess an important skill: the ability to recognise and control negative self-talk. These successful people earn more, get promoted more often and receive higher marks on performance evaluations.

When it comes to self-talk, we’ve discovered some common thoughts that hold people back. Compiled from The Huffington Post, here are some thoughts you should try and quarantine, so that they don’t derail your career.

1. Perfection equals success

Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure and end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish, instead of enjoying what you did achieve.

2. My destiny is predetermined

Far too many people succumb to the irrational idea of being destined to succeed or fail. Make no mistake about it: your destiny is in your hands and blaming multiple successes or failures on forces beyond your control is nothing more than a cop out.

Sometimes life will deal you difficult cards to play and others times, you’ll be holding aces. Your willingness to give your all in playing any hand you’re holding determines your ultimate success or failure in life.

3. I “always” or “never” do that

Framing your behaviour in terms of “always” or “never” is a form of self-pity. It makes you believe that you have no control over yourself and will never change so don’t succumb to it.

4. I succeed when others approve of me

Regardless of what people think, one thing is certain: you’re never as good or bad as they say you are. It’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you but you can take their opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what they do think about you, your self-worth comes only from within.

5. My past equals my future

Repeated failures can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe in the future. These failures result from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isn’t easy. Just remember that success lies in your ability to rise in the face of failure. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks and you can’t allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed.

6. My emotions equal my reality

Take an objective look at your feelings and separate fact from fiction. Otherwise, your emotions will continue to skew your sense of reality, making you vulnerable to the negative self-talk that can hold you back from achieving your full potential.

Published in The Express Tribune, November 29^th, 2016.

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