1. So now there’s a license to be horrible to your ‘significant other’ 364 days a year? This is now the only ‘official’ day to appreciate your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend.
2. The colour red is everywhere, and I mean everywhere! On billboards, TV screens and every single shopfront: red roses, red wrapping paper, red sheets. It’s enough to make a raging bull out of you.
3. God help you if you’re single on the love-fest that is V-day. Souls sated with love, trying to impress unattached people with their wonderful relationships should be incinerated and their remains flushed down the toilet!
4. So what did you get on V-day? Random inquiries about what you got from your significant other are infuriating — especially when said significant other does not exist, or worse, forgets all about the big day.
5. How it’s all a money-making scam. Valentine’s Day is the largest commercial day of the year. The advertising industry has got a tight leash on lovers. It compels people to show their affection by purchasing things… things they really don’t need or want, like the 10-feet-high teddy bear you gave your girlfriend last year.
6. Emotionally manipulative street vendors. Try refusing to buy overpriced roses from a tiny child wearing a fluffy pink Valentine’s Day themed headband on February 14. It’s a nightmare.
7. The counter-productiveness of it all. Indulging in expensive confectionery only results in guilt. Feeding your girlfriend heart shaped candies will only add to her girth and love-handles. And the more you do, the more your lover will expect in the years to come.
8. ‘Pity presents’ handed out to single friends. You might as well give them a can of kerosene wrapped in red heart-print paper addressed ‘Dear Loser’.
9. How it never gets old. You’d think anyone over 16 wouldn’t be affected by the torture of this celebration… but my friend’s mom has been married for 25 years and still gets annoyed when she doesn’t get a present on V-day.
10. The havoc this day wreaks on your eating habits. Want to eat out on February 14, or a day before or after that? You’ll have to pay through the nose for a reservation, and you may have to wrestle that guy for a table – but it’s ok, it’s all in love’s name.
Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, February 13th, 2011.
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