4 things to discuss with your partner before you get married

Published: November 10, 2015
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Before you take love as a sign to hop on Before you hop onto the marriage bandwagon, here are a few things you should consider. BINDASENTERTAINMENT

Before you take love as a sign to hop on Before you hop onto the marriage bandwagon, here are a few things you should consider. BINDASENTERTAINMENT

You’ve got butterflies in your stomach, you’re high on euphoria and you feel on top of the world — yes, you’re in love. But before you hop onto the marriage bandwagon, there are a few things you should consider.

According to relationship expert Dr Karen Phillip, author of OMG We’re Getting Married – 7 Essential things to know before we say I Do, relationships usually tend to beak apart because couples don’t discuss vital issues before taking the plunge, reports HuffPo.

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She says, “There is this assumption, because a couple is so in love and know each other so well, that they are on the same page, but it is incredibly important to talk about your finances, career goals and whether you want kids, plus a whole range of other things before getting married.”

1. Discuss whether you want to have children or not:

PHOTO: Pinterest

Crucial information like choosing not to have children or vice versa, can lead to serious relationship problems and conflicts if not talked through before marriage.

Many times in societies like ours couples are expected to have children, and soon, if there wasn’t enough pressure already. To keep such problems from wrecking you marriage, discuss these details with your partner and see their point of view.

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2. What happens once you have your first child:

PHOTO: Forum.xcitement

“It’s not simply about how many you want, and how many years apart they will be, but you should also be discussing parenting style, and who will be the main parent,” says Karen.

In our society, inter-sect marriages have become common, but expectations about how the children will be raised and which sect they will follow soon create many problems for the couple. To avoid conflict, it’s best to talk such things through.

Plus, nowadays many women are career-oriented and having a child will mean putting their career on hold. Whether you plan on hiring a nanny or sending your child to daycare, this is not one topic you can leave for later or when you cross the bridge.

Understand what the other wants and see if you can reach a compromise.

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3. Talk about your earnings and expenditure:

PHOTO: GlobalEMag

The same goes for finances. Most couples tend to keep silent when it comes to their earnings.

“I see couples who have been married for over 10 years, that still don’t know what the other earns,” says the relationship expert.

It’s important to know how much your spouse is bringing home because the expenses of the household affect both the people involved.

“Not only should you disclose what you’re earning but also what you’ve spent — even debts — because once you’re married, whatever financial problems your partner gets into, well, you own half of them,” says Karen.

You can have a joint account to pay your bills and groceries, and keep a private account to deposit small amounts for your personal savings.

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4. Keeping the spark going even after having children:

PHOTO: The News Track

More often than not, couples tend to become distant after having children. They communicate a lot less and after marriage, many think their spouse is a mind reader.

“Couples need to have date nights pre and post children. It’s usually only during these times, when you’re sitting alone with your partner over dinner, without any distractions like social media or the television, that you’re able to talk,” she said.

It helps improve the relationship and you pay close attention to your partner.

Make a list of things you would like to talk to your future spouse about, it’s best to be on the same page than to deal with issues after marriage.

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Reader Comments (18)

  • Parvez
    Nov 10, 2015 - 1:04PM

    If right at the outset one understands that marriage is a journey where ‘ give and take ‘ is essential……..most other things fall into place much more easily.Recommend

  • iLoveU
    Nov 10, 2015 - 8:54PM

    …and if nothing in your partner matches yours, marry anyway, in the name of LOVE! BTW alteast be realistic, when it comes to separation then divorce. Some people work the differences out over time. Some will happily sign-in for an abusive, dead-end relationship. Because they are escaping from the parents, home, old relations or just their past. If you are using your brain you must not be enjoying the scenery. If you’re falling in love, you can’t be using your brain, lol! Solution; Be successful and realistic in life to able to make correct decision when love knock at your door. The good thing is; People with pre-planning have high probability for finding long lasting love, compare to the ones looking Only for Love who have a 50/50 chance at-best, do you like that? I bet not. How you want to live? In-control of your life or of other’s life? If you find/catch-a Love; Don’t be selfish; For a healthy relationship, let the other breath fresh air too. Watching a camel from running away is a very occupying job. Neither “bullying your partner into submission” is fun. In-short: Its not a kids game, lol!Recommend

  • gemk
    Nov 10, 2015 - 9:45PM

    Learn to live with your opposite self, and you will have an everlasting happy marriage. Small things snowball into chronic marital problems.Recommend

  • moreover
    Nov 11, 2015 - 12:18AM

    ex-boyfriends?Recommend

  • Hadi Raza
    Nov 11, 2015 - 8:10AM

    Good points to circulate for our society where now days only marriage only done on bases of initial love of two young boy and girls. They don’t even think about all rhese. And I am sure even parents don’t even think before marriage of third children’s .Recommend

  • Fahim
    Nov 11, 2015 - 10:08AM

    First question is absolute unnecessary, 99.9% of people get married only because to have Kids. Fourth question is irrelevant if first question’s answer is no Recommend

  • Don't Play Leapfrog with Unicorns
    Nov 11, 2015 - 10:51AM

    Discuss whether you want to have children or not? I mean, seriously??????Recommend

  • Nargis
    Nov 11, 2015 - 2:57PM

    @Don’t Play Leapfrog with Unicorns: Absolutely! What’s wrong with that? Applies to both men and women where either party might want to have children immediately after, after a few years or not at all. Best to go in with clear expectations I believe. Recommend

  • YAs
    Nov 11, 2015 - 4:57PM

    Marriage is a gamble; regardless love or arrange, doesn’t matter how much time you spend with each other before marriage or not at all.
    Only key to simple life after marriage is COMPROMISE and anything else are supporting elements like time, respect, love, gifts bla bla … Usually, in our society initially woman compromise and later with time when you have couple of kids pass the toddler’s age, adjustment in role starts.
    Free Tip:
    1. Those newlywed ladies have complained from their husband, wait for some time, slowly but surely wheel shall move upside down.
    2. Man want peace at home and then come anything else, just shake his peace often to bring him on negotiation table for compromise. . You don’t get what you deserve but what you negotiate for. Recommend

  • ih
    Nov 11, 2015 - 9:50PM

    If after 45 years you can still share a lighter moment, bring a little smile to your other half , you had a successful love life. Donot get hung up on little stuff. It is far better to make a life together than worrying about finances prenup, kids etc. Bring something to your marriage other than earning money, as most Pakistani men think ,and just being a women is not enough any more. no set formula for a marraige to succeed. Series of understanding and compromises will lead to lot more fun in your life. Some sacrifice some effort some thoughtfulness works wonders. Flowers are not meant for birthdays only. A dozen roses says a lot more. Good luck to newly weds It is not a transaction, but an act of unselfish giving ,which defines love.Recommend

  • just_someone
    Nov 11, 2015 - 11:33PM

    @YAs:
    Im really sorry you are soo jaded that you think of marriage as a constant battle for supremacy rather than a union where love and respect for each other makes one willfully adjust and compromise to keep the other happy.Recommend

  • Anwar Sheikh
    Nov 12, 2015 - 9:28AM

    Marriage is a Gamble, somebody has to loose its stakes, in order to survive. This social contract shud never be taken as love & affection. All giving and taking be broadly written, or sorted out. Financials, veto power, in laws respect only than interferences. Lastly male dominated world has to be accepted by ladies in order to give it a successful icon! Lastly attraction is short lived, only compatibility is lasting.Recommend

  • YAs
    Nov 12, 2015 - 10:56AM

    @just_someone:
    News break: I love my wife & Kids more than anything else, but, u need to be in a position to get the point (experienced & financially)… love, respect, willful compromise are only salt & pepper to married life but not the main ingredient. Wives and kids are excellent negotiator, you will know with time. Btw, strong negotiator always prefer win-win situation. Recommend

  • ZA
    Nov 12, 2015 - 3:42PM

    @moreover: ex girlfriends????? moreover, extra marital affairs?????!!!!?Recommend

  • Concerned Citizen
    Nov 12, 2015 - 6:32PM

    One very important issue that is most neglected in marriages is to confirm that both don’t have any serious illness e.g. HIV, Hepatitis, etc. Relevant test must be done and shared to ensure a safe marriage.Recommend

  • sanity
    Nov 12, 2015 - 11:14PM

    @Don’t Play Leapfrog with Unicorns:
    yes seriously!Recommend

  • Don’t Play Leapfrog with Unicorns
    Nov 13, 2015 - 12:01AM

    @sanity:

    Deciding not to have kids after marriage is ‘unnatural’, to say the least. Unless there is some plausible excuse for choosing not to, I feel such a decision would sound quite perverse to normal Muslim couples.Recommend

  • LS
    Nov 13, 2015 - 12:41AM

    What about These?
    – Medical History,
    – Mental History,
    – Genetic Markers
    – Likes/Dislikes, Spending Habits,
    – Life Goals and Ambitions
    – Gauge each others attitude towards in-laws, life, friends, family, environment
    – Educational pursuits post marriage?Recommend

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