You’ve got butterflies in your stomach, you’re high on euphoria and you feel on top of the world — yes, you’re in love. But before you hop onto the marriage bandwagon, there are a few things you should consider.
According to relationship expert Dr Karen Phillip, author of OMG We’re Getting Married – 7 Essential things to know before we say I Do, relationships usually tend to beak apart because couples don’t discuss vital issues before taking the plunge, reports HuffPo.
She says, “There is this assumption, because a couple is so in love and know each other so well, that they are on the same page, but it is incredibly important to talk about your finances, career goals and whether you want kids, plus a whole range of other things before getting married.”
1. Discuss whether you want to have children or not:
Crucial information like choosing not to have children or vice versa, can lead to serious relationship problems and conflicts if not talked through before marriage.
Many times in societies like ours couples are expected to have children, and soon, if there wasn’t enough pressure already. To keep such problems from wrecking you marriage, discuss these details with your partner and see their point of view.
2. What happens once you have your first child:
“It’s not simply about how many you want, and how many years apart they will be, but you should also be discussing parenting style, and who will be the main parent,” says Karen.
In our society, inter-sect marriages have become common, but expectations about how the children will be raised and which sect they will follow soon create many problems for the couple. To avoid conflict, it’s best to talk such things through.
Plus, nowadays many women are career-oriented and having a child will mean putting their career on hold. Whether you plan on hiring a nanny or sending your child to daycare, this is not one topic you can leave for later or when you cross the bridge.
Understand what the other wants and see if you can reach a compromise.
3. Talk about your earnings and expenditure:
The same goes for finances. Most couples tend to keep silent when it comes to their earnings.
“I see couples who have been married for over 10 years, that still don’t know what the other earns,” says the relationship expert.
It’s important to know how much your spouse is bringing home because the expenses of the household affect both the people involved.
“Not only should you disclose what you’re earning but also what you’ve spent — even debts — because once you’re married, whatever financial problems your partner gets into, well, you own half of them,” says Karen.
You can have a joint account to pay your bills and groceries, and keep a private account to deposit small amounts for your personal savings.
4. Keeping the spark going even after having children:
More often than not, couples tend to become distant after having children. They communicate a lot less and after marriage, many think their spouse is a mind reader.
“Couples need to have date nights pre and post children. It’s usually only during these times, when you’re sitting alone with your partner over dinner, without any distractions like social media or the television, that you’re able to talk,” she said.
It helps improve the relationship and you pay close attention to your partner.
Make a list of things you would like to talk to your future spouse about, it’s best to be on the same page than to deal with issues after marriage.