10 things I hate about fat people

1.      They think being fat is the sole reason for all their miseries in life — from acne to rejection from graduate school.

2.     You can never go shopping with them because they won’t stop asking you questions like: “Does this shirt make me look fat?” “Do these shoes make me look fat?” “Does this room make me look fat?”

3.    They always have their eyes on your food. There’s a reason why we give you leftovers. It’s not because we’re done eating; it’s because you stare us down until we choke on it or fear that we will.

4.    They think they’re doing mankind a favour by going to the gym and walking on the treadmill — at minimum speed, mind you.

5.   They whine about being fat but will unleash their wrath on you if you ever say the same to their face.

6.    It’s perfectly okay for them to tease and bully the skinny kids, but if someone calls them by the ‘f’ word, it’s immoral and inhumane.

7.   Since when did ‘fat’ become a dirty word?

8.   They eat when they’re sad, they eat when they’re happy, they eat when they’re hungry, they eat because, why not? They take their breakfast, lunch and dinner and they still have room to binge because, hey! You’ve got to have a decent snack...right?

9.   They ruin sleepovers because they snore like nobody’s business and the whole blanket rolls around their circumference, leaving the skinny ones shivering. But nobody should complain because Yokozuna there might feel left out.

10.   They sweat profusely — all year round. Yeah, we all get hot flashes once in a while, but expecting people to turn on the air conditioner when its -1 degree Celsius outside is a little inconvenient.

Published in The Express Tribune, December 26^th, 2010.

Update: December 27, 2010

The editors recognise that '10 things I hate about fat people' may have caused offence and would like to apologise to all those whose feelings have been hurt. The 'I hate' lists are politically incorrect by their very nature, but are meant as humorous pieces and are not intended to single out or stigmatise any segment of society.

Readers are welcome to send us their own '10 things I hate about I hate lists' to [e-mail] and we promise we'll publish the best one.