10 things I hate about Apple

Published: December 6, 2010
Even reputable news organisations take an Apple a day

Even reputable news organisations take an Apple a day

1.        It’s not a fruit.

2.      The look. It’s sleeker, shinier, sexier, your-pc-will-never-look-like-this-er. It’s the Naomi Campbell of technology and the most you can do is get the technological equivalent of an eating disorder trying to imitate its beauty, because nothing you ever own will look like that if it’s not a Mac.

3.     The attitude. Remember being an overweight, nerdy girl in 11th grade staring wistfully at the cool, skinny girls who got asked out to all the parties while you spent Saturday nights reading Jane Austen and improving your vocab?  That’s who you are doomed to be all your life unless you’re a part of the Apple clique.

4.     The interface. Think different. Think mind boggling. Oh, you thought pressing a button on your phone ended that call. Think again. Differently. It’s a swish of your fingers now. Oops, your fingers weren’t swishy enough and your girlfriend overheard you flirting with her best friend while you thought the call had ended. Oh well, at least it’s different.

5.     The fickleness – You just squandered your life’s savings buying the latest apple product. You have nothing to your name but you can hold your head up high because you have an identity, a mac-ship. For like five seconds. Because guess what, an even slimmer version of the phone you just bought has been released and it’s slimmer by a whole of 0.24536mm. So unless you have the new iphone 47thG, you`re back to being a nobody.

6.    The accessories. It’s not enough that you have the imac, the ipod, the ipad, the itoilet and the ideodrant. You absolutely need to have the imouse for your imac, the icover for your ipod, the iearphones, the itoiletpaper and ifacewash. After all, how does life make any sense at all unless you have a room full of Apple accessories that will become obsolete an hour after you buy them?

7.    The campaign — Yes, we know the Mac guy is cooler than the PC guy. Must that point be illustrated over and over again? We get it, even without the Drew Barrymores and the Giselle Bundchens.

8.    The applications. Once upon a time people read books, took walks along beautiful streets, went to concerts, called friends over for dinner, had hobbies, made conversations with passersby, collected stamps, watched the night sky and so on and so forth. Once upon a time people were people. Now they download apps.

9.    The ido — An apple product is not just a product. It’s a commitment, a relationship, a marriage, a pact with the Devil. It’s an ido and once you go Mac, you can’t go back.

10.   It’s practically a religion.

Published in The Express Tribune, December 5th, 2010.

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Reader Comments (23)

  • Dec 6, 2010 - 2:39PM

    Once upon a time people were people. Now they download apps.

    Haha,beutifully written and criticised well..Give you 10/10 but trust me,its not a company,its an “attitude”.Recommend

  • Dec 6, 2010 - 2:59PM

    Simply Awesome…Recommend

  • Mahvesh
    Dec 6, 2010 - 3:30PM

    Oh my god, spoken like a sane person who’s resisted the commercial insanity that’s Apple! You got EVERYTHING right! Here’s some appreciation before the comments section gets hijacked by all those iPhoners checking it out on their various ‘apps’ and say how its revolutionized their lives.

    Another word for it: Bandwagon! Recommend

  • Talha Wynne
    Dec 6, 2010 - 4:23PM

    What the hell is a virus? Recommend

  • Ali Rehman
    Dec 6, 2010 - 4:44PM

    Im with you on the overrated menace a.k.a the iphone but hey i just looovvve my nano! I havent bought a cd since……….i dont remember and there’s no love lost! Recommend

  • Dec 6, 2010 - 4:44PM

    sour grapes :pRecommend

  • Dec 6, 2010 - 4:48PM

    hahahaha iWish i had an AppleRecommend

  • Umer
    Dec 6, 2010 - 4:52PM

    Face the reality as it is. There is no phone like iPhone and there is no laptop like macbook… What the hell, who cares… Mac once, Mac forever ;)Recommend

  • Zahoor Raja Jani
    Dec 6, 2010 - 6:35PM

    I own one. And it makes me cool :)Recommend

  • ahsun
    Dec 6, 2010 - 8:00PM

    very well written….I like apple products but I can never ever gather enough courage to spend so much of precious money on a single product!Recommend

  • Khalid Kamal
    Dec 6, 2010 - 8:49PM

    It more of cult now than anything else :)Recommend

  • ik11@hotmail.co.uk
    Dec 6, 2010 - 9:23PM

    it comes at a price…which nobody mentioned..for 1000 pounds you will buy a mac which will have the same cofiguration as sony u buy for 600 pounds..then if u buy a sony for a 1000 pounds..it will have double the specs…i mean whats special about apple is because of the money and any company can do that…every company have expensive models compare them to apple..don’t just say apple is good…good but at a price..Recommend

  • Dec 7, 2010 - 1:25AM

    I agree with 3-6… but you could have mentioned more real issues like how buggy their new devices have been lately.Recommend

  • Z Peracha
    Dec 7, 2010 - 11:31AM

    i have a macbook. and its worth squandering your life savings even if the mew air vme out 2 months after i bought mine…Recommend

  • anonymous
    Dec 7, 2010 - 2:45PM

    Apple: doing things in a more prettier way.
    Everything else: doing things as they are.Recommend

  • faisal feroz
    Dec 7, 2010 - 4:03PM

    no matter what.. they are brilliant marketeers!! well done steve jobs.. almost nothing can be compared to an apple product! hands down..Recommend

  • Pakistani
    Dec 7, 2010 - 4:58PM

    looks like somebody sold you a sci-phone instead of an i-phoneRecommend

  • Dec 7, 2010 - 6:01PM

    Nice article which sounds more like a Apple fanboy trying to say that he is a neutral observer. As for me: I have an iPhone but want a Windows Phone 7… I have a PC and would never think of buying a Mac… oh yea! Mac is cool, its stable, its different, etc. Its stable cause it runs on a predefined hardware and not like Windows which runs on literally every machine, hardware specs, Mac is different cause 95% of the world uses Windows cause they mean business not being cool. Remember the cool kids in school who now work for the nerds… the eventual winner = Nerds and so is the case with Mac and Windows… Windows with 95% market share is the winner heads on…Recommend

  • Ibrahim Arain
    Dec 7, 2010 - 7:50PM

    Depends on how you look at it..i don’t have any aspirations to purchase all the products that apple makes but you have to give credit where it is due, first they completely revolutionized the mp3 player market with the ipod, then the cell phone market with the iphone and now with the ipad they have found a whole new niche that every other electronics giant out there is trying to replicate. and oh about the price..its a business people..if the people at samsung would have successfully positioned their brand to be like apple’s they would have done so and of course would have charged the amount of money that apple charges (who knows even more!)..lets not just blame apple..its capitalism, deal with it.Recommend

  • Abu Abdullah
    Dec 8, 2010 - 9:16AM

    Very well written, couldn’t agree less with the author.
    By the way, Did you know the first Windows UI (User Interface) was designed using a MAC :))) Recommend

  • Laila Mandviwalla
    Jan 24, 2011 - 8:23AM

    Don’t be so jealous now… jokes* and No, i disagree with point number 8. I own the overrated Mac products (pun intended), but i still read and do all those things, life is really not constricted to downloading apps. Then again it is an attitude one you’ve got to master, too bad you hate Apple. Recommend

  • Ferhan
    Jan 24, 2011 - 10:42PM

    haha.. well steve jobs can sell an iRefregirator to an eskimo Recommend

  • Fatz Syed
    Jan 27, 2011 - 6:47PM

    Its an attitude :) it’s a religion!
    And it’s amazing.Recommend

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