Sach mooch: #MerayKhankishadihai

Ali Gul Pir takes up the role of a wedding planner of Pakistan’s only royal wedding

KARACHI: OMG! I have been swarmed with work since the season has started, from low budget baby showers to Gatsby-themed circumcision ceremonies. Being Pakistan’s top party and wedding planner keeps you on your toes. As the first cool breeze hits the town, everybody just wants to go ‘cray cray’ and have mad fun like General Yahya! And that’s where I come in; I will not judge your event or your budget. My job is to make sure everybody has a great time.

Like Brad-Angelina’s and Prince William-Kate’s weddings, Pakistan was going to have its first royal matrimony. Imran Khan and Reham Khan no, they are not cousins, they are two very beautiful people, who are getting married and because of them the nation will rejoice and celebrate for a change.

I was approached by their close friend and was asked to organise Imran Khan’s bachelor party/dholki. An event where close friends will come and have fun with the captain before he’s chained in the union of love and is bound to not organise late night jalsas. So, before the Kaptaan starts answering his phone and saying “I will be home by 8pm, I promise” or “I will not forget to get the roti, stop reminding me again and again”, this party would be his send off bash!

My first thought was — this dholki has to have a tiger theme! Tiger patterned table cloths and paws as plates! For food we will serve tiger prawns and cheetah chatni, which is a smart blend of spice and sweetness. This chatni was also served in Mullah Fazlullah’s spring break party with Reshma kababs, they are to die for. So now that the food was decided, we moved on to the entertainment.



Shireen Mazari called me 10 times and kept trying to convince me that she do a live rap performance at the party but I tried to avoid her. However, her purple hair kept catching my attention so I said yes. To my amazement, she did not disappoint. She knew all the lyrics of Coolio’s Gangsters Paradise and nailed the performance. After which Jahangeer Tareen did a solo dance performance on ek garam chai ki pyali ho, aur mujhko pilanai wali ho, chahay gori ho ya kali ho bus seenai say laganai wali ho. Thank God, unlike Salman Khan in the song’s video, Jahangeer didn’t go shirtless.



Everything went smoothly during the event, although one person did try to jump the wall and enter the party. I couldn’t tell who it was but he kept yelling “Baghi ko Bhabi say milna hai!!” and people kept telling him that he’s not invited to this party anymore.

I obviously feel envious towards the newly-weds’ celebrity status and who doesn’t wish that news of their marriage should be breaking news and of how news talk shows should discuss how my to-be-wife is an agent sent from the West to distract me from my true purpose of being a saviour of Pakistan.

Yet, I do wish that they could also have had a normal wedding like everyone else’s. Joota choopai, just imagine Imran negotiating how much he will pay the bridesmaids for his shoe back by yelling, “Yeh joota chupanai walai chorr hotai hain!” Well I guess everything comes at a price!

Anyways, I’m off to my next event, it’s the divorce celebration of a wadera who is moving on from his fifth wife who like all his previous ones was an actor.