The beginner’s guide to happiness

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the real thing: I have with me here today, the magic mantra that will erase all your woes and render you instantly, supremely and eternally happy. However, before I reveal it to you, I would like you to carry out this very small exercise. Just switch off that cell phone, find a quiet corner of your room and take a seat. Then here’s what you have to do:

Relax your body, close your eyes, and start thinking about yourself. If your thoughts wander, bring them back to yourself, gently but firmly. Start by thinking about the past. Go all the way back to your childhood. Think over all the mistakes you have ever made, the opportunities you have lost, the time you have wasted. Especially think of all the injustices done to you and how your life could have been better if only your circumstances had been different.

Remind yourself — in minute detail — of the unkindness of people. Even if a particular person has never actually offended you, realise that he/she might have done so if he/she had the chance. Tell yourself that he/she has probably talked about you anyway. Think of your body and focus on any aches and pains you may feel. Think of your finances. Even if all is well, think that is too good to last. Keep this up for at least 15 minutes. Open your eyes.



How do you feel? Anxious? Even downright miserable, perhaps? But, note what happens when you open your eyes: you realise and remember that you are only a part of a larger world. Now, start taking in the sights, sounds and sensations of this world around you: focus, perhaps, on the lush tree you can see from your window, or the smooth feel of the pen that you have been holding but forgotten about, or, better still, the intoxicating aroma of a fresh cup of coffee. Note again how you feel.

Chances are that as you engage more fully with your surroundings, your mood starts to shift. Psychologists suggest that whilst focusing on one’s self breeds anxiety, fear and sorrow, focusing on the world, even for a short while, neutralises if not fully reverses this effect. And the very problems that seem overwhelming even moments ago, seem distant and less important. What changes? Certainly, not the actual experiences: only the focus and, more importantly, the thoughts about those experiences.

Have you heard of the man who went to a Sufi complaining that he was miserable because his in-laws had come to live with him in an already small house? The Sufi asked him to take a live chicken home. The man did as he was told. Each week, for five weeks, the man returned to the Sufi, still complaining about how cramped his home was and how unbearable his life and each week he was told to take home another farm animal.

After five weeks of relentless complaining from the man, the Sufi asked him to give the chicken away. Once again, the man did as he was told. Each week, for the next five weeks, the Sufi directed the man to remove one more farm animal. At the end of the fifth week when the man visited the Sufi, his face was beaming. “Why so happy, my man?” the Sufi asked. “My life is so wonderful,” replied the man. “The animals are gone. It’s only my family and my in-laws in the house now. We are together and we are happy.”

And what was the magic mantra that I had promised at the beginning: alas, there is none! Just as the man in the story did, we, too, create our happiness moment by moment, by the way we think. There are no short cuts. It is only important to remember that reality is not an immutable fact, but simply a reflection of our thoughts. So, perhaps the thing to do is to look for that elusive silver lining in all things dark and to focus on something bigger and beyond our infinitesimal individual selves.

Published in The Express Tribune, November 7^th, 2014.

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