Dig your well before you are thirsty

A few days ago, a friend of mine lost her job. She worked as an executive director at a private channel and made a huge sum of money every month. Suddenly, for no real reason at all, she was fired. She called me, weeping and semi-hysterical, to share the news. Apparently, there were no offers from other channels and she didn’t really have any contacts to speak of either who could help her out.

I was at a total loss for words because this was the first time I was hearing from her in six years. If anything, I had called her numerous times for advice and even a favour or two, but she never attended my calls and never called back. To say her call took me by surprise is an understatement. After listening to her go on (and on), I realised that the problem was that she spent so much time focusing on her job, that friends, acquaintances and work contacts had been ignored. Her obsession with her work left her friendless and for all practical purposes, without a family as well. She delayed getting married because she wanted to get to a certain stage in her life before she was ready to commit to a family.

What happened to her happens to many people. They forget that they are not islands but part of the fabric of society and when a thread gets worn out, others have to be available to take its place or the entire tapestry falls apart. If one doesn’t build a relationship network with people and keep the figurative Rolodex diary, eventually one ends up without a support structure in case of a crisis. This ‘diary’ contains the people in your relationship network — your close friends, family and important work contacts — all those you should call regularly. When someone in your network comes through, does you a favour or achieves something, don’t be stingy with your time or effort.

If someone calls you, please don’t be slow to answer the phone call or not answer the call at all. With all our means of keeping in touch today, maintaining meaningful contact with people is becoming increasingly rare. If that phone call you answer gives you the opportunity to be there for another person, all the better.

I learnt this from my mentor, Mr Yousaf Baig Mirza, who hired me to work at PTV when I started my morning show. No matter who calls him, he always calls back and gives people his time and respect. He believes in keeping a Rolodex — small wonder that he is one of the successful and powerful men in the media today.

Now here is a word of caution. Where your network will be fast at broadcasting your failures, it will be just as fast to broadcast your successes. Only give the information that you have no issues in publicising. Another cardinal rule of connecting with people is to ask questions. When you make that call to keep in touch, keep it interactive. The difference between that phone call and your status update will be that the person you spoke to gets to tell you about their perspective. Ask if you don’t know and ask even if you do!

If you manage to build and maintain your relationships, chances are you won’t be calling someone you have not spoken to in years for a sympathetic ear. Ultimately, the fact of life is that people need people, no person needs job.

Published in The Express Tribune, July 7^th, 2014.

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